Kisses, Sehlats, & Chocolate
by anaeifly
Summary: A series of mostly unrelated, mostly oneshot K/S drabbles. (If a few do happen to be related, I'll make a note.) Rated M for some sexual situations and general safety.
1. Sehlats

It is a wondrous thing, almost magical, to possess, even for a short time, something that belongs to someone else—especially if it is something that you yourself desire. The first time Spock discovered this—or rather, the first time he acknowledged the discovery—it was shortly after he had been appointed the guardian of a young Vulcan female named Saavik.

He returned to his quarters one day after shift to find them completely empty but for his young charge's albino pet sehlat, I-Molina. Panicking slightly (though of course he didn't show it), Spock quickly ordered the computer to tell him where Saavik was. Realizing that she was on the observation deck with his elder self and therefore in no danger, he relaxed somewhat and allowed himself to actually enjoy the company of the snow-white sehlat for several minutes before his chess game with the captain.

These instances became more and more common as his elder self continued to spend much time on the ship, Saavik often in his company, organizing the transport of passengers and supplies from Spacedock-9 to the New Vulcan colony, and Spock grew quite used to having I-Molina greet him at the end of his shift.

One day, when the captain's quarters were under repair, Jim suggested to Spock that they have their usual chess game in his quarters. Spock agreed, and the two of them left for his quarters immediately at the end of shift.

When they arrived, Spock was quite surprised to find Saavik and his elder self sitting inside talking. Jim smiled. "Hey, Selek," he said happily to the ambassador, using the name that Spock's elder self had chosen to go by. His eyes fell on Saavik. "Who's your little friend?"

The ambassador caught Spock's eye briefly before responding. "This is Saavik," he replied softly, then turned back to the girl. "Saavik, I believe the captain and commander are here for their nightly chess game, and if I am not mistaken, they prefer to play alone. We shall take our conversation to another place."

Saavik nodded. "I shall be back before it is late, Father," she said to Spock. He raised an eyebrow. "I shall wait for you, as always, Saavik."

She nodded again, then turned to Jim. "Good bye, Captain. I hope to see you again soon." Then she and Selek were gone. Jim turned to Spock. "Did she just call you _father_?" he asked incredulously.

Spock almost smiled. "Yes," he replied.

"Why? No _way _you're old enough to be her father."

"You are correct," Spock said. "I am not her father. Both of her parents were killed in the destruction of Vulcan, and, as she plans to enter Starfleet, the remaining members of the High Council appointed me as her guardian. She calls me father…" He hesitated for a moment, unsure of whether he should continue. "Because I remind her of her own father when he was younger," he finished after a moment.

Jim frowned. "How come you never told me?" he asked indignantly. "And how come I never see her around the ship?"

Spock raised one eyebrow. "I submitted paperwork to inform you of her arrival on the _Enterprise_," he replied. "I did not think you would require further notification."

Jim blushed. "Oh, right. Sorry, I forgot about that. But seriously, how come I never see her around? Does she stay locked up in here or something?"

Spock shook his head, amused. "No. she spends most of her time with the ambassador. He educates her some." He gestured toward his table. "Shall we play our game?" Nearly half an hour later, while Spock was attempting to understand how the move Jim had just made could _not _be against the rules, Jim brought up Saavik again. "How old is she?" he asked out of nowhere.

Spock looked up from the board. "Of whom do you speak?" he asked, confused.

"Saavik," Jim said. "How old is she?"

Spock looked back down at the chessboard. "She is sixteen Terran years of age." He glanced back up at Jim. "Why do you ask?"

Jim shrugged. "Just wondering," he replied, then leaned back in his chair, watching Spock. "You're not gonna figure it out. Just forget it."

Spock did not look up. "I am afraid that is not in my nature, Captain. I must understand."

Jim rolled his eyes. "For the last time, Spock, it's—what the _hell _is that?" he exclaimed, jumping backwards. Spock looked up in alarm and went over to see what had scared Jim. Looking underneath the table, he saw that I-Molina, who had apparently been sleeping under the table, had awoken and brushed against the captain's leg, causing him to look down and directly at her six inch long fangs. Amused, Spock leaned down and picked her up, bringing her over to the captain. "Captain," he said quietly, "may I introduce to you Saavik's pet sehlat, I-Molina?"

Jim frowned. "I thought those were illegal on starships. And I thought they were _brown_."

Spock shook his head. "It is illegal for a Starfleet officer in possession of a sehlat to keep it on a starship," he explained. "However, any passengers on a ship are allowed to keep their pets onboard for the duration of their stay, hence the allowance of the sehlat breeder we are transporting at this time. As for her coloring," he went on, "albinos exist in nearly every species, Captain. I would think you would be aware of that."

Jim nodded, still staring at the sehlat. "Of course," he replied. "You said her name's I-Molina?"

"Yes. The word _molina _means vanilla in your Terran language Spanish."

The captain nodded again, then abruptly looked up at Spock. "Didn't you say once that you had a sehlat?"

Spock nodded. "I did, a male one named I-Chaya. He too died in the destruction of Vulcan." Jim looked puzzled, so he elaborated. "Sehlats are very loyal to their masters. If their master should ever leave them for an extended length of time, the sehlat will refuse to leave the last place that they were with their master. Therefore, my parents could not bring I-Chaya to the katric arch with them, and there was no time for me to retrieve him myself." He looked down, vaguely aware as he did so of his fingers knotted tightly in I-Molina's fur.

Jim walked over to him and put his hand on Spock's, causing him to look up in surprise. "You really miss him, huh?" Jim said softly.

"Indeed," Spock replied in an equally quiet voice. "However, there are things—people—I have now that I would miss more than I-Chaya if I lost them." _Like you._ Spock immediately felt annoyed with himself for the thought, but he could hardly take it back, or deny its truthfulness. At least Jim was not a touch telepath as he was.

Jim half-smiled. "I know what you mean." He glanced at the clock and sighed. "I should go," he said, his voice slightly reluctant. "I have to get some paperwork done before I go to bed. I'll see you tomorrow."

Spock nodded. "I too should go," he replied. "I must bring I-Molina back to her mistress."

The captain smiled for real this time. "Yeah, you should do that. Tell Saavik to hang out on the bridge some time—I think she'd like it."

Spock raised one eyebrow, and Jim laughed. "Don't look at me like that. If _you _can manage to enjoy being on the bridge with me, I'm sure she certainly can."

Spock nodded. "I shall inform her."

"Good. See you tomorrow."

Spock inclined his head slightly to the captain as he left, and he couldn't help watching him as he walked down the hall, sighing a little. As much as he loved spending time with Jim, on days like this it just made him want him more.

He turned back to his room, wishing, not for the first time, that the captain did not belong to Dr. McCoy. He sighed, just once. Truly it was a magical thing, but sometimes its loss was almost too much for Spock to handle.

* * *

The next day Spock returned to his quarters alone at the end of shift. He and the captain were having their chess game in his quarters again, but Jim had had something to do first, and so Spock had continued without him.

Spock set up the chess board and waited rather impatiently for Jim. This was the only alone time they were able to have together, and Jim's lateness cut into that already short amount of time. It was irritating.

The chime on his door suddenly sounded, and Spock walked quickly to let the captain in, but stopped short at the sight that met him when he opened the door.

He had been expecting to see Jim, but he most certainly had not expected to see Jim holding a squirming brown of fluff in his arms.

Before he could speak, Jim said, "Before you ask, yes, this _is _a sehlat. Her name's I-Liana. And she's freakin' heavy too, so could you _please_ just let me in and you can interrogate me in a sec."

Spock stepped aside so that the captain could come inside, taking the baby sehlat out of Jim's arms as he did so. She quickly looped her arms around his neck, nuzzling her head against his chest, and closed her eyes with a noise much like a purr. Spock watched her for a moment before turning back to the captain. "Why have you brought a baby sehlat to my quarters?" he asked, his tone a little suspicious. Jim did not miss that. He smiled slightly.

"Calm down, Spock," he replied. "It's a gift." He paused. "She seems to like you better than me."

"That," Spock said, "is because sehlats have a very high body temperature, almost as high as a Vulcan's. Humans' lower body temperatures are uncomfortable for them." He looked up at Jim again. "You say she is a gift. Why, then, have you brought me a gift that I cannot keep?" He couldn't help glaring at the captain a little. He already felt attached to I-Liana, and he did not want to have to let her go.

Jim waved his hand dismissively. "Don't worry about that," he said nonchalantly. "We can drop her off at my mom's at the end of shore leave. I already checked, she's cool with that."

Spock tilted his head a little in confusion. "I was not aware that we had a shore leave scheduled any time soon."

Jim laughed. "That would be because I only just cleared it with Starfleet Command last night. Starting two days from now, we are going to have a month-long shore leave." He glanced up at Spock, grinning. "That ought to be enough time to cover her training, right?"

Spock didn't answer. He couldn't. After several moments, he spoke. "I…do not know what to say."

Jim smiled. "You don't have to say anything. It was the least I could do. Besides, you'd have done the same for me."

Spock nodded. He would have.

There was a long silence, and then Jim spoke. "Spock, I have to tell you something."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Yes?" he asked.

Jim hesitated. "I…think I'm in love with you," he said finally.

Spock just stared at him for a moment, not knowing how to respond. How could that be possible?

Jim, unfortunately, seemed to misinterpret his silence. "I mean, I get it if you don't—"

Spock interrupted him. "Jim," he said softly. Jim looked up tentatively. "You must not think that I do not feel the same way for you. I am merely surprised. I was under the impression that you and Dr. McCoy were together."

Jim smiled. "We're not," he replied. He looked away. "We let people think we are, though. I don't—didn't—want to get involved with one of my crew." He looked back at Spock, the intensity in his blue eyes startling. "I really want you, though. I can't help it."

He walked slowly over to Spock, who met him halfway. When they were so close they were practically breathing the same air, Jim spoke again, his voice a whisper. "Say you want me too."

"Of course I do," Spock replied, his voice low. He hesitated. "May I kiss you?"

Jim laughed, a kind of breathless chuckle that reassured Spock that he wasn't the only one so affected by their closeness—his own usually perfectly ordered thoughts were running lazy circles around his head, and his heart was beating far too fast. "God, yes."

Spock obligingly leaned down and pressed his lips to his captain's, light at first, but deepening quickly. They stayed like that for several minutes, and Spock had all but forgotten about I-Liana when he heard a low growl. He pulled away reluctantly and looked down to see the sehlat staring at Jim in irritation, her arms locked around Spock's neck almost possessively.

Jim, watching her, laughed again. "I think I-Liana wants to keep you all to herself," he said. He slipped his arms lightly around Spock's waist, and Spock leaned into him, allowing himself to be pulled closer to his captain. He raised one eyebrow.

"Perhaps," he replied. "Fortunately for us, however, I-Liana will not be on the ship very often. Jim grinned, and with that Spock leaned down and kissed his t'hy'la deeply again.

I-Liana would just have to learn to deal with it.


	2. Mistletoe

Saavik was confused. So, as she always had before when she didn't understand something, she asked the person she thought most likely to know the answer—her guardian, Commander Spock.

He, however, had been no help. He had gone strangely pale—except for the tips of his ears, which turned a light emerald color—and refused to say anything other than "I have no comment on the matter".

After that, she had decided to ask the captain, but he was not helpful either. He simply blushed an interesting shade of red and hastily changed the subject.

She had then attempted to locate Ambassador Selek, thinking he might be able to give her a satisfactory response, but she hadn't been able to find him anywhere, which was why she was now in Sickbay, waiting patiently for Dr. McCoy to finish Yeoman Marks' physical.

When Marks had left, the doctor glanced up at her in mild surprise. "Morning, Saavik." The silent "what's going on?" was as clear as if he had said it out loud.

Saavik inclined her head slightly. "Good morning, Dr. McCoy," she replied politely. She hesitated for a moment before speaking again. "During the time that I have spent on the bridge recently, I have noticed that the captain touches my fa—Spock very often and, even more surprisingly, Spock _lets _him." She looked up at the doctor, hoping he, at least, would answer. "I do not understand. Vulcans do not like to be touched, and yet—"

"And yet Spock doesn't seem to mind," McCoy finished for her. Saavik nodded, and he laughed. "You're more observant than they give you credit for," he mused half to himself, writing something on the padd he held before putting it down and turning back to Saavik. "Did you ask your dad about it?"

Saavik nodded and then proceeded to tell the doctor about her conversation. "I attempted to ask the captain as well, but he had a similar reaction—he blushed and then tried to engage me in a different subject." She searched Dr. McCoy's face. "Do you know—" she began, but the doctor interrupted her, shaking his head in clear exasperation.

"Yeah, I do," he said roughly, sounding annoyed. "See, the thing is, Saavik, is that the captain and your dad have got it bad for each other. And I swear to God, everyone on this damn ship knows it but them." He turned away from her, swearing under his breath, clearly frustrated, and poured himself something she assumed was alcohol.

Saavik tilted her head to one side, confused. "What do they have, Doctor?" she asked, somewhat concerned. "Is it contagious?" She wasn't sure she wanted to 'not mind' people touching her.

McCoy laughed again. "Nah, that's not what I meant. It's an expression—it means they're in love with each other." When Saavik's only response was the slight widening of her eyes, he smirked slightly. "Not the answer you expected, huh?"

Saavik quickly controlled her automatic reaction to the surprising revelation. "I had surmised that they felt some level of affection for one another," she replied, "but I did not realize that it went further than friendship."

The doctor nodded, rolling his eyes. "Yeah. On the surface it doesn't," he said, his tone a little sarcastic, "but that's only 'cause neither of them has any idea what the other's feeling. Neither of them ever stops to think that maybe the other one wants them."

Saavik frowned slightly. "That is illogical. Anyone with eyes could observe their feelings for one another." She paused, thinking. "Perhaps there is some way that we could make them admit their feelings to each other."

McCoy snorted. "What do you suggest, Truth or Dare?"

She raised one eyebrow in confusion, but decided not to ask. "No, Doctor," she replied. "I was thinking that perhaps we could use mistletoe? I understand that it is a part of Terran Christmas tradition."

* * *

When Jim entered the turbolift, he almost instantly became aware of something wrong—Spock was standing next to him. He managed to resist banging his head against the wall and/or fleeing, but it was a close call on both fronts.

A few months ago, getting into the turbolift with Spock—voluntarily or involuntarily—would not have been a problem, but now...now he just could not deal with being in such close quarters with his first officer. He had never before so fully appreciated the difference between _then _and _now_, he mused wearily, leaning against the wall in a futile attempt to relax. Because there was a difference. A _huge _difference. A few months ago, he was just friends with Spock-just friends, and perfectly happy with that. Now...well, now, they were still just friends, but now he _wanted _more. And he was positive that Spock did not. After realizing his attraction, Jim had done some research and realized that Vulcans could sense strong emotions when they were close to the person emoting, which meant that Spock might very well figure out Jim's, uh, problem, and that definitely _could not_ happen. It would be way too awkward on way too many levels.

So he had taken the easy way out. He locked himself into his quarters and attacked his mountain of paperwork for two straight weeks, only checking in with the Bridge for a few a minutes in the morning. This worked out just fine—until, of course, Spock had come to him, voicing the concern that Jim didn't like him and was attempting to spend as little time with him as possible. Well, that was what it sounded like after Jim translated the Spock-speak, anyway. He had quickly reassured his first that that was not the case, and then ushered him out so that he could panic in peace.

There was obviously no way he could keep off the Bridge without freaking Spock out, so he acted on the next good idea to enter his mind-he placed a call to his Betazoid high school psychologist, Ariana Troi, and immediately requested (well, demanded, really) to be taught some decent shielding techniques. She had complied, and he learned from her how to mentally place his feelings aside so that Spock wouldn't be able to sense them. He now employed this technique every day during his shift, but it was so mentally exhausting that he usually couldn't keep it up after he left the Bridge, forcing him to change the time of their chess games to the forty-minute break during shift.

Which was why, standing in the turbolift next to his first officer, Jim was currently contemplating means of escape. Making a quick sweep of the lift with his eyes, he suddenly noticed something on the ceiling. Frowning, he tilted his head up to the ceiling, only to squeeze his eyes shut with a groan a moment later. "Why me?" he muttered under his breath, annoyed.

Spock, of course, heard him. "Is something wrong, Captain?" he asked, raising one eyebrow quizzically.

Jim abruptly shifted his gaze from the ceiling to his first officer, which, he quickly realized, was a mistake. Spock's beautiful dark brown eyes were firmly fixed on his, and it took him a little too long to respond. "Uh, yeah, kinda," he replied, trying to keep his voice nonchalant. "It's just, um, well...the ceiling's covered with mistletoe." He winced internally as he finished. He _so _did not want to be in this situation right now.

Spock's eyebrow rose again. "I am not familiar with Christmas traditions surrounding mistletoe," he said, confusion lightly coloring his voice. "What purpose does it serve?"

Oh, _so _awkward. "Well, when two people are under the mistletoe, they...they have to kiss." Jim glanced up at Spock apologetically, mentally cursing whoever had put up this damn mistletoe.

* * *

This was not good.

That was the only thing Spock could think, standing next to his captain in the turbolift underneath a veritable canopy of mistletoe.

Not good at all.

He had never intended for Jim to discover his attraction, but if he had been forced to choose a way for him to find out, this most certainly would not have been it. Unsure of what else to do, Spock started to speak, not paying particular attention to what, exactly, he was saying. "In that case, I suppose it would be necessary for us to kiss," he said softly, and immediately wished he could take it back. He was not in the habit of stating the obvious, and he hadn't intended to start now.

He tried to stop himself from saying anything else, knowing that it probably wouldn't be particularly intelligent, but his brain appeared to have lost control of his mouth. "After all, it would be illogical of us to ignore such a tradition given that you are yourself human. I do not celebrate Christmas, but your own heritage dictates that you follow this tradition, and—"

Spock suddenly found himself rather unceremoniously interrupted by the press of soft, cool lips to his own. It was a chaste kiss, soft and sweet and so utterly perfect that, despite the tidal wave of emotions it evoked in him, Spock almost did not want it to end.

Jim slowly pulled away, and Spock quickly pressed his lips together to keep them from clinging to his captain's. Jim took a step back, and sent him an apologetic smile. "Sorry," he said. "But—you were rambling." Spock desperately wanted to say something about Vulcans not rambling—but he _had _been.

Jim shifted slightly, avoiding Spock's eyes. "I'd kinda like to try again, if that's okay with you," he said, glancing momentarily up at Spock and then back at the floor. "I mean...it's supposed to be mutual, you know? I wasn't trying to take advantage of you, I just-it's a tradition, and I figured if you kept analyzing and-well, I'd like to..."

"Jim," Spock interrupted. He walked over to his captain, tilting his face up so he could look into the deep blue eyes. Jim stared up at him, looking vaguely nervous. "Yeah?" he asked, swallowing.

"I would quite like to repeat that, if possible," Spock replied after a moment's hesitation. "I found it...quite enjoyable, especially considering the initiator of the kiss."

His captain's eyes widened. "Seriously?"

Spock felt the corners of his mouth twitch upwards slightly in amusement. "Seriously," he replied. "However, I would like to participate a little more in a subsequent kiss. I must admit, I was far too surprised by your actions to respond properly. I wish to remedy that, if this is agreeable to you."

"_Definitely_," Jim said quickly. They moved closer together, so close that their bodies were nearly touching. Spock had a moment to admire his captain's beauty up close before Jim's lips were moving against his again, deliciously, torturously slow, the taste cool and sweet. After a moment he began to respond in kind, using his hands on Jim's back to pull him closer, their tongues tangling together, but somehow it wasn't as fierce or urgent as it should have been.

Quite suddenly, and far too soon, the turbolift doors whooshed open, and the two of them quickly jumped apart. Jim ran a hand through his hair, trying (rather unsuccessfully) to look casual, and Spock winced internally when he saw who was outside the turbolift.

"Good evening, Dr. McCoy, Nyota," he said coolly, inclining his head slightly to the two, both of whom appeared to be on the verge of laughter.

"Hey," McCoy replied, slightly breathless. Jim exchanged a quick look with Spock. "You two are so childish," he said, shaking his head incredulously. The doctor and Nyota only laughed in response. Jim shook his head again.

"Whatever," he muttered. "Turbolift's all yours, guys." Still laughing hysterically, the two of them somehow managed to make their way into the lift. As the doors closed, Jim turned back to Spock. "Nuts, those two."

"Indeed."

"Why do I get the feeling that they had something to do with that little, uh, _incident _back there?" Jim asked, starting to walk down the hall. Spock followed him.

"I do not know, but I believe you are right. However, I think you should be somewhat comforted by the fact that they are now in the same predicament as we were."

Jim grinned. "Yeah. Serves them right." He stopped outside the door to his quarters. "Wanna play some chess?" he asked, and something about his demeanor suggested to Spock that, were he to follow the captain, they were not likely to actually play chess. His heart skipped a beat.

"I would be happy to."

Jim's answering smile was positively radiant.


	3. The Conundrum of Hershey's Kisses

Jim would be the first to admit that he teased Spock entirely too much.

He knew it was mean, that he shouldn't do it, but sometimes he just couldn't help himself.

Like now, for instance. It was New Year's Eve, and the whole crew was in the officers' mess for the party Jim had set up. Because it was _Jim _who had done most of the planning, it was no surprise to any of the crew that there was not only chocolate fondue, but also an absolutely huge bowl of Hershey's kisses sitting on two of the tables.

Entering the room with him, Bones sighed. "For God's sake, Jim," he said in an exasperated tone. "Can't you let up for even one night?"

Jim grinned. "Of course not. Why would you even ask that?" The doctor rolled his eyes, and Jim laughed. "Have fun, Bones. I'll see you later." Bones shook his head, but didn't bother trying to stop his friend as he walked away. He wasn't crazy enough to think that he could actually talk Jim out of it. Besides, seeing Spock drunk could turn out to be pretty amusing.

* * *

Spock was having an inordinate amount of trouble thinking clearly. Unsurprisingly, Jim was the cause.

Spock had known he was in trouble from the second Jim had invited him to the party earlier that day, but he certainly had not anticipated trouble of this particular kind.

Jim was standing on the opposite side of the room from Spock, eating Hershey's kisses. Spock could not understand why the chocolates were called "kisses", but at the moment he was far more interested in Jim's actions than the name of the candy.

He absentmindedly picked up a piece of the fruit sitting in a bowl next to the chocolate fondue, and tried, to no avail, to tear his eyes away from his captain as he wrapped his lips seductively around one of the chocolates, his eyes never leaving Spock's. He then took it between his teeth and slowly tongued it until it melted in his mouth.

Out of the corner of his eye, Spock noticed an ensign giving him a strange look, and, realizing that he had been standing next to the table for at least three minutes without doing anything with the fruit in his hands, he reluctantly turned away from Jim and dipped the fruit into the chocolate, his hands shaking slightly. Apparently Jim's actions had affected him more strongly than he had realized.

* * *

About ten minutes later, Jim and Spock were in one of the ship's bathrooms, Jim examining Spock's hand closely. "What did you _do_, stick your whole hand in there?" he exclaimed, sounding for a moment like Dr. McCoy.

Spock raised one eyebrow. "It was only logical for me to retrieve the fruit after I had dropped it into the chocolate."

"What did you think the tongs were for?"

"They were unavailable to me, as I had been using them when the fruit fell in."

Jim sighed, frowning. "Right. Well, I'm not entirely sure how to get this off. Water'll take forever, and paper towels will just stick to it." He thought for a moment. Suddenly he looked up, the grin on his face immediately making Spock wary, and he pulled his hand away slightly. "I got it," he said triumphantly. Spock raised his eyebrow again.

"Don't look at me like that. I'm not gonna hurt you or anything. Here, give me your hand," he added, pulling Spock's hand back to him, and Spock couldn't stop the gasp that left him when Jim wrapped his lips around his index finger, sucking lightly. His eyes slid closed as Jim continued to "clean" his finger, moaning softly in dismay when it was released. Jim laughed.

"Don't worry, I'm not done yet," he murmured, capturing Spock's lips with his own once before moving to the next finger, swirling his tongue around it in a way that sent a shudder down his spine.

For the next several minutes, Spock's highly sensitive fingers enjoyed the attention of Jim's mouth, and by the time he reached the last one, Spock was almost agonizingly close to orgasm. Jim seemed to sense this, letting the finger slip from his mouth just before Spock went over the edge, and he couldn't help groaning lowly at the sudden loss of sensation. He opened his eyes just enough to glare at his t'hy'la, but Jim just grinned.

"Aw come on, don't be mad. We gotta get back. We've been here pretty long, you know." Spock didn't answer. Jim sighed. "Stop sulking. It's almost midnight, and then we have the whole rest of the night to do whatever we want," he added with another wicked grin.

Spock glared at him for another few seconds before answering. "You are quite lucky that I love you, Jim."

Jim couldn't help it-he laughed. Spock graced him with the Vulcan equivalent of an eye roll before leaving without a backward glance.

The captain shook his head, still chuckling. Vulcans sure were moody when they didn't get their sex.


	4. Reckless

"Jim, for God's sake, go get some sleep! I'll _tell_ you when he wakes up."

A snort. "Right. Like I'm gonna be able to sleep."

Spock blinked a few times, trying to will his eyes to focus, and turned his head very slightly in the direction of the voices. His captain was standing a few feet away, arguing with Dr. McCoy, his back to Spock.

"Look, I told you, I don't know how long it's going to be, but I know he'll be fine, he's in some kind of healing trance, and that's the most effective way to get a Vulcan better. He'll be good as new in no time. Stop feeling guilty."

Jim ran a hand through his hair, clearly no less stressed by the doctor's words. Spock wanted to get up and go to him, but he couldn't seem to get his body to comply with his brain just yet.

"How can I, Bones? It's my fault he's there. If I'd just stayed on the ship like he told me to—"

"If you'd stayed on the ship like he told you, you wouldn't be you. _Please _calm down, Jim. You're giving me a migraine."

Jim sighed, and his next words seemed more to himself than to the doctor. "_I _should be lying there."

Dr. McCoy rolled his eyes, shaking his head, and as he turned back to Jim, his eyes fell on Spock for a second, who immediately closed his own eyes again on impulse. "Don't be ridiculous, Jim. Spock knew what he was doing when he saved you. God knows he'd probably be as happy I would if he'd be able to stop _having_ to save you, but he knew the risks."

Jim didn't answer, and after a moment Spock heard the doctor sigh. "Whatever. Look, I'm gonna be in my office. Let me know if you decide to actually listen to me, okay?"

There was nothing but silence in response, and after a few seconds Spock heard a door close several feet away, followed by footsteps coming closer to his bed, and then he could _feel _Jim's hand close to his on the bed, and for a minute he had to focus solely on keeping his hand from moving toward his captain's.

After another moment of complete quiet, Jim finally spoke. "Okay, look, Spock, I'm not sure if you can hear me, I really don't know how this whole trance thing works, but I…I just really have to say this out loud." A pause, then, "I can't _believe _I let this happen to you. I know if you were awake you'd probably say that there wasn't really anything I could've done, but you'd be wrong, because I could've listened to you and then you wouldn't be in that damn bed." There was a frustrated-sounding sigh. "And it's even worse because I love you. I want to protect you, but it always seems like _you're _protecting _me_, and I can never do anything to change your mind. Damn stubborn Vulcan," he added under his breath.

Spock couldn't take it anymore. He opened his eyes, which quickly found and locked onto Jim's, and said, quietly but forcefully, "That is because you are the captain of this ship and infinitely more valuable to it than I. Furthermore, I would give my life to save yours no matter what the circumstances, although I must admit I agree with Dr. McCoy; I should not have to save you so often." He ended his words with an irritated eyebrow raise, and Jim laughed.

Suddenly Jim was quiet again, and frowning. "Wait," he said, sounding confused. "So…you _can _hear us when you're in that Vulcan trance thingy?"

Spock sat up slightly, glad that his muscles seemed to be obeying him a little better. "I cannot," he replied, turning back to Jim. "Why would it matter?"

Jim looked uncomfortable. "Well, it's just…I said some stuff, and I'm not really sure I wanted you to hear…"

"Are you referring to your words just before you mentioned my 'stubbornness'?" Spock asked.

Jim's eyes widened in surprise. "You heard that?" he exclaimed, after a moment in which he was apparently scrambling for words. "But I thought you—I mean, you were still in—" He finally managed to look at Spock again. "You were still in the trance." He frowned. "Weren't you?"

Spock shook his head. "No. I have been completely conscious for the past 11.7 minutes."

Jim closed his eyes for a few moments. When he opened them again, his face seemed totally blank. It seemed very strange to Spock, to see his normally very emotional captain looking almost Vulcan-like.

"Well," Jim said, somewhat hesitant, "we can still be friends, right?"

Spock's head automatically tilted somewhat in surprise. After a moment of thought, he decided to tease Jim a little. "No," he replied, and his friend's face fell. He quickly continued, "I cannot say that I would be content with mere friendship when both of us harbor romantic feelings for each other."

Jim laughed in relief. "You ass," he said, shaking his head, but he was smiling as he said it. Before Spock had a chance to respond, Jim leaned over the biobed and pressed his lips lightly to Spock's, his kiss soft and sweet but so intense that Spock couldn't help responding with slightly more enthusiasm than was probably wise in this situation.

Jim's hands ran over his body, slipping discreetly into his pants, and Spock pulled away from the kiss, his face still mere centimeters from his captain's. "Jim," he said reproachfully.

Jim's eyes went wide with innocence, making his eyes seem even more impossibly blue, and Spock's heart skipped a beat. He ignored that. "What?" Jim asked.

"We are in a biobed," Spock pointed out.

His captain rolled his eyes. "Yeah. And?"

Spock sighed in exasperation. "And I would prefer that our first sexual experience not occur when Dr. McCoy—"

"Jim, get your hand out of your first officer's pants!"

Jim jumped away from the bed, and Spock bit the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling. "Is standing in the doorway," he finished. Jim snorted. "Yeah. Thanks for the update."

Dr. McCoy took one look at the two of them and said, "Oh, God, get the hell outta here. I don't care what you do, I just don't want you doing it _here_. The wall between my office and Sickbay isn't soundproof, ya know."

"Aren't you going to check Spock's condition first?" Jim asked.

"I'm sure he's fine, he wouldn't be awake if he wasn't. Now get out!"

"Okay, okay! Come on, let's go before he shoots us," Jim said, pulling Spock off the bed. When the two of them were out in the hallway, he said, "Sheesh. He's in a mood, huh?"

"Indeed," Spock replied. "Perhaps you should not have kissed me there."

Jim stopped and stared at him. "Are you saying you'd rather I hadn't kissed you?"

Spock raised an eyebrow. "I did not say that," he said. "I am merely pointing out that there is a possibility that your life was in danger. Dr. McCoy is not the type of person who takes kindly to public displays of affection." He frowned slightly. "You should take more care not to put yourself in such situations, Jim. It is hazardous to your health."

Jim snorted. "I don't care what Bones. I'll kiss you wherever the hell I want." He moved closer to Spock, his hands running lightly over his chest, and tilted his face up to kiss him.

"That is not what I meant."

Jim laughed, kissing Spock's neck. "I know…but you're certainly not gonna protest, are you?" He sucked lightly on the tip of Spock's right ear. Spock didn't speak; he couldn't. He just moaned softly and turned his head to give Jim more room. Jim smiled.

"Didn't think so," he said before going to capture Spock's lips with his own again.


	5. Rumor Has It

Jim Kirk generally tried to steer clear of the rumor mill, and for good reasons—the stuff that came out of it was either rarely true or it involved him, in which case he'd really rather not hear about it at all. Since he'd started commanding the Enterprise, however, there was one particular rumor that had made its way to him and stuck itself to his brain as though planning to plant roots there. This particular rumor stated that Admiral Pike and Commander Spock had been in a relationship while Pike was captain of the Enterprise.

He supposed it wasn't really a particularly strange rumor, both because he had quickly learned exactly how close a captain had to be to his first officer, and also because, well, Spock was hot. That was a fact that nobody onboard the Enterprise would (or could, Jim suspected) ever overlook. And, to be honest, the interactions he had witnessed between Pike and Spock…well, they kind of made him think that maybe the rumor was true. Maybe.

He meant to ask Pike about it, but he couldn't figure out a way to do so without sounding disrespectful. He tried talking to Spock Prime, but that didn't really work out very well either. Control of emotional responses was something he had forgotten to consider there.

He supposed he could ask Spock himself about it. Theoretically. Then again, he didn't particularly feel like becoming the proverbial cat from the "curiosity killed the cat" saying, so he dropped that idea without even really thinking about it.

Then Jim and Spock had actually started getting to know each other, and he realized he actually did like Spock, who in turn appeared to like him, in a weird, unemotional, Vulcan way. In fact, he was finding it increasingly hard to _not _be happy in his first officer's presence, which sometimes made serious situations a little, uh, _confusing_ for anyone who didn't know Jim as well as Spock or Bones did. Which was pretty much everyone.

He couldn't have said when exactly he realized he was attracted to or, more accurately, falling in love with Spock, except that it had happened around the time he returned from the I.S.S. Enterprise, and that he had first noticed it with Spock's counterpart, not Spock himself. Although seeing Spock again certainly reinforced his very new(ly acknowledged) feelings.

It was also around that Jim started wondering again about the supposed 'thing' between Pike and Spock. If it was true—well, he couldn't lie nearly as convincingly to himself as he could to others; if it was true, he'd probably be a little jealous. Of Pike, anyway. Which was strange when he thought about it, so he did his absolute best to _not _think about it. Because really, who wanted to be jealous of their commanding officer because of a junior officer? That was just weird.

Still, because curiosity did in fact kill the cat, he just could not that damn rumor off his mind. On the Bridge, in his quarters, in the _turbolift_ with_ Spock_, for the love of God. Even, as it turned out, during his nightly chess games with Spock. So, one night, he decided to just say it. If Spock felt the need to kill him, well, he could think of worse ways to die.

"Were you and Pike ever together?"

"I beg your pardon?" Spock replied, looking up from the chessboard, his eyebrow arching up in surprise.

Jim couldn't help stuttering a little; the half-Vulcan's gaze was incredibly intense. "It-I just…it's a rumor, that you guys were together and, well, I don't know. I was just wondering if it was true."

"Why?"

"Well, if I'm gonna be jealous of Pike, I might as well have a good reason for it."

What?

Okay, _that_ definitely hadn't had permission to come out. He was not jealous of Pike, because if he was, that would mean he had feelings for Spock beyond friendship, which he did not. Right? Right.

Maybe.

"I do not understand," Spock said, searching Jim's face carefully and making him feel like he was being x-rayed. He started to feel a tiny bit panicky. He found himself scrambling for words once again.

Welcome to the club. "Uh, that's okay. Look, I'm sorry, I have no idea where that came from." Escape, escape, escape. "I'm…really tired. Do you mind if I go to bed and we can finish this game tomorrow night? Is that okay?" He wasn't really sure why he added that last bit; maybe just to prove to himself that he could not, in fact, be around Spock without rambling at least a little? Jim glanced back up at Spock and immediately regretted it, his First's deep, dark eyes seeming to see right through him. He shivered very slightly.

After a seemingly endless moment, Spock finally replied, his tone sounding deliberately quiet and soft, as though he was afraid of scaring Jim, "That would be agreeable to me, Captain." He paused. "Are you quite sure that you are all right?"

Jim nodded and forced a smile, knowing it would look like a grimace at the very best. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just need to get some sleep. You should too."

Spock stared at him for another long moment, clearly unconvinced, then nodded. "Good night, Captain," he said politely as he turned and left. Jim couldn't keep his eyes from following Spock before the door closed, and then he stared at it for several seconds after the fact. After a minute or so, he finally turned away from the door, shaking his head.

"Good night," he muttered under his breath. "_Right_."

* * *

Jim decided to spend the next day in his quarters. The one good thing about avoiding people he was supposed to see all the time, he thought, was that he tended to get a lot of paperwork done while he avoided them. Kind of like multi-tasking.

About an hour and a half in, the comm unit on his wall chimed. "Jim? What the hell are you doing in your quarters?"

Jim looked up from his work at the small vid screen on the unit, where Bones looked like he was seriously considering getting Jim's psych eval done early. He sighed.

"I'm getting paperwork done," he replied, sounding a little more irritated than he meant to. "What's it to you?"

Bones frowned. "You _never _get paperwork done. Not unless you're avoiding something or someone." He scrutinized Jim's face. "Who is it?"

"Who—Bones. I'm trying to work. Leave me alone, would you?"

"It's Spock, isn't it." It was a statement, not a question.

Jim sighed. He'd never been able to keep anything from Bones. "Yeah."

"What happened?"

Jim filled him in on the previous night as quickly as possible, like saying it faster would maybe make it mean it hadn't actually happened. "So basically," Bones said after he had finished, "you're just hiding out in your quarters because you've now officially realized that you can't hide your feelings about Spock anymore even from yourself and you're too freaked out to actually face him?"

Jim blinked in surprise. Sometimes he couldn't help thinking that maybe his best friend knew him a little _too _well. "Basically, yeah."

Bones snorted. "Well. Let me know how that works out for ya." And with that he ended the link. Jim must have just stared at the comm unit for at least five minutes before he finally regained his mental abilities enough to get back to work.

* * *

"See! What did I tell you? Just go to him, for God's sake. It certainly doesn't do anyone any good if he's avoiding you and you're _letting _him."

Spock avoided the doctor's sharp gaze, not entirely sure how to respond. "I feel that that would be unwise, Doctor. I do not believe he wishes to see me."

Dr. McCoy let out a huff of air, sounding annoyed and frustrated. "Only because he thinks that you don't feel the same way about him." When Spock said nothing, he sighed loudly again. "Spock, for someone so intelligent, you're acting incredibly stupid right now."

Spock couldn't help glaring at him a bit. The doctor grinned. "Not a denial."

Spock sighed slightly. Part of him, the more emotional, human side, was practically begging with the rest of him to go to Jim, but his Vulcan side wasn't positive that that was such a good idea. He did not want to make Jim uncomfortable, and clearly talking about what had occurred the night before would do so. Still, he wanted so badly to hold Jim, to touch him, kiss him, and, strangely, to make him feel uncomfortable in an entirely different way. It was illogical, he knew, but how could he not want it, want Jim?

* * *

About half an hour after Bones' call, the door to Jim's quarters chimed. "Come in," he called, not looking up until his visitor was standing in front of his desk. He immediately wished he'd thought to check who it was before letting them into his quarters. He cleared his throat, which was suddenly and unexpectedly dry.

"Can I help you, Mr. Spock?" he asked, fighting to keep his voice light.

"I had hoped to speak with you about a personal matter, Captain."

Jim quickly looked down, not wanting to feel like he was falling into those dark, dark eyes. "Well then for God's sake at least call me Jim. I don't do personal with people calling me Captain." He had meant to make it sound like a joke, but it the way it came it sounded more like a reprimand. Well, that was just perfect. This conversation was starting out well.

"Jim, then," Spock said, surprising Jim into looking up again, and this time he couldn't look away from Spock's eyes. They held him in place, refusing to let him go. "You mentioned last night that you were jealous of Admiral Pike for being with me, and I believe that you were actually attempting to say something quite different, the same as I have been doing for quite some time now." Jim stood and walked around the desk so he and Spock were face to face, nothing but air between them. It felt nice, being so close.

"That's not very logical," Jim breathed, and Spock shook his head ever so slightly. "What do you think I was trying to say?"

"I believe only you could adequately answer that question."

Jim froze, his breath catching in his throat. "I…" he started, then hesitated, not sure how to word this. He decided to go with the simplest, most straightforward thing he could possibly say. "I-I love you," he stammered after a minute. He took an unconscious step forward, running his hands over Spock's chest and feeling an almost ridiculous pleasure at the shudder that resulted. "I _want _you," he whispered, somehow still unable to look at Spock's eyes. He repeated his previous action, Spock shivering slightly once again before catching Jim's wrists in his hands, making Jim look up in surprise, directly into his eyes. It took him a moment to realize that that had been Spock's intention.

He hadn't been sure whether Spock would say anything, but when he stared into the dark brown eyes this time, he realized they didn't need to say anything, at least not now. For right now, they could just be.


	6. Shore Leave

"Spock, come on, you promised you'd swim with me." Jim's voice was the closest to a whine Spock had ever heard it. He eyed the lake warily.

"I would rather not," he replied evenly, but he still found himself unable to quite meet his bondmate's pleading gaze. Part of it was guilt, but not all of it.

Jim walked over to him, raking his fingers lightly over Spock's bare chest, and gently lifted his chin slightly so Spock would look at him. Spock felt his resolve start to melt as he looked into Jim's suddenly huge blue eyes. "Please?" Jim said. "You _promised_. Besides, it'll be fun. Please?"

Spock sighed. There was no way he was going to win this. It was times like this that made him wish he didn't love Jim _quite_ so much. "As you wish," he finally said, his tone reluctant.

Jim grinned, and for a moment, he looked like a child, not a starship captain who had been through countless trials since his promotion a year ago. The sight almost made Spock smile himself. Almost.

Jim pulled him to the water's edge, laughing at Spock's expression. "Calm down! You'll like it, I swear. Swimming's easy." Spock raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Jim dove in and, when he resurfaced, seemed surprised to see Spock still on the shore. "Come on! How're you gonna learn to swim over there?"

Spock reluctantly stepped in, wincing as the cold water touched his skin, his heart rate accelerating slightly. Jim sensed this through their bond and swam over and grabbed his wrists. "It's okay, just come in, I got you. You're fine, I promise."

They practiced swimming for a while in the shallow water, but Jim wanted to go deeper. Spock did not. "You go further out," Spock suggested. "I will stay here and watch you." Jim stared at him incredulously.

"Are you kidding?" he said. "What's the point in taking you swimming if you don't even swim _with _me?" Spock did not reply. "Just come out a little further."

"No." Spock's reply was curt.

Jim sighed. "Why not?"

Spock replied without really thinking. "You have tired me. I wish to sleep."

His bondmate stared. "Tired you? We haven't even really done anything. How could I have tired you?"

Spock didn't answer the question directly. "I will come back in when I wake."

Jim sighed again, in both frustration and resignation, making a face. "Fine."

* * *

Spock woke sometime later to the sensation of cool, wet lips against his throat. He moaned very slightly and leaned into the touch.

Quite suddenly, he felt a damp, cool body covering his, his lover's erection pressed against his back. "Morning, sunshine," Jim whispered, his lips brushing the tip of Spock's ear, and he shuddered slightly. He felt Jim smile against him. "Ready to go swimming?"

Spock frowned at the suggestion and decided that he would have to distract Jim from pursuing that particular train of thought. He quickly used his Vulcan strength to flip the two of them so that he was on top. Then, before Jim could say another word, Spock leaned down and captured Jim's lips with his.

The kiss quickly became heated, their tongues slipping in and out of each other's mouths, and it was only out of the necessity for air that the two finally broke apart. As Jim was catching his breath, Spock started moving downward, leaving a trail of kisses down his lover's throat and chest before surreptitiously slipping a hand into Jim's bathing suit, making him gasp loudly.

"You know," he said, sounding rather breathless, "this wasn't—mmm…wasn't exactly what I…had in mind when…when I woke you up. Ahh, God! You're too damn good at this." Jim's hips bucked suddenly, his back arching slightly off the towel he'd been laying on. Spock raised an eyebrow in response.

"I was unaware that it was possible to be _too_ good at this, Captain," he replied, twisting his hand in the exact that he knew would make Jim come. Jim didn't respond, simply moaning loudly as his back arched up again, his come covering Spock's hand and his own bathing suit.

When he was finished, he just lay there for a few minutes, waiting for his breathing to return to at least semi-normal. After a while he spoke. "Must you call me Captain when you're doing _that_?"

Spock smiled very slightly. "I only do it because it amuses you."

Jim laughed. They lay in silence for several moments before Jim sat up, pulling Spock with him. "Come on. Swim time."

Spock opened his mouth to protest, only to realize that he didn't really have a reasonable protest. "Why?"

Jim laughed again. "Because you said you'd come back in when you woke up. And, well, you _are _awake now."

"That is unfair," Spock replied, fully aware that he sounded rather childish. "I was referring to when I awakened naturally. That did not happen. _You _woke me."

His bondmate snorted. "Like you minded." Spock didn't move. Jim turned back to look at him. "Come on. I won't make you stay in long, I promise." He flashed Spock a radiant smile, and Spock couldn't refuse after that. He reluctantly followed Jim to the water's edge again, this time not hesitating nearly as much before stepping into the lake. Jim walked just ahead of him, Spock's hand tightly in his grasp.

When the water was up to his waist, Spock stopped to adjust to the temperature. It was rather cool, but not entirely unpleasant. Jim, however, misinterpreted his lack of movement as hesitation, and immediately tried to get him to move again.

"Just a little further, I promise," Jim said, and tugged Spock's hand, trying to pull Spock towards him. What happened next later seemed quite humorous, but at the time it was rather annoying and somewhat scary. From the waist up, Spock's body automatically moved towards Jim but his legs refused to move for several seconds, causing him to lose his balance and fall forward into the water, his hand slipping from Jim's grip.

He heard a slight shout, but he was too busy trying to get to the surface to pay much attention to it. After what seemed like forever, he felt a hand on his arm, hauling him upward. Spock struggled to catch his breath, which turned out to be quite a difficult endeavor as the two of them had apparently swum out rather far and he was no longer able to touch the bottom of the lake with his feet. Jim quickly pulled Spock towards him, holding him up enough above the water that he could breathe again.

"God, I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

Spock couldn't help glaring at Jim a little bit. Jim pouted slightly.

"Geez, you act like I did it on purpose," he said. Spock said nothing. "It was an accident. I didn't realize I pulled that hard. I'm sorry." Spock still did not reply. Jim sighed, clearly frustrated, and lifted Spock's chin up, staring into his eyes. "I'm sorry," he said again, softly, begging forgiveness with his eyes. Spock melted. Not literally, of course, but…well, it was nearly impossible to stay angry with Jim sometimes. Jim smiled.

"Come on, let's get out," he said. "You must be freezing." He shot Spock a seductive smile. "Maybe I could warm you up."

Spock couldn't help that his heart beat a little faster at that, and he swam a little more quickly to the shore. Jim, of course, noticed, laughing a little.

Once they got out, the two quickly dried off and Jim pushed Spock backwards onto the towel he had occupied earlier, kissing him deeply, his tongue slipping easily inside Spock's mouth. Spock moaned slightly into his bondmate's mouth as he ran his tongue over the roof of his mouth and he hurried to return the favor. Jim, however, clearly had other ideas.

"Uh-uh. None of that," he murmured, wrapping his lips around the tip of Spock's ear and sucking hard, making Spock gasp and writhe in pleasure. "It's my turn to give you pleasure. Just sit back and enjoy it." Spock had little choice but to acquiesce as Jim's lips left a burning trail down his neck and chest before he slid off his bathing suit.

Jim teased Spock a little, kissing the inside of his thighs lightly before sucking the tip of Spock's cock into his mouth, making Spock gasp again, then moan as Jim took more of him in. He unconsciously thrust slightly into Jim's mouth, unable to completely control the impulse, but Jim didn't really seem to mind, still licking and sucking with abandon.

Spock's moans slowly grew louder until he was about to come, his fingers knotted tightly in his bondmate's hair, holding him in place. Then, quite unexpectedly, two saliva-slicked fingers slid into his anus, easily finding and hitting his prostate, and he found himself pushed over the edge, biting his lip so hard to keep from crying out that he thought he might have drawn blood.

When it was over, Jim sat up, licking his lips, and came to lay next to Spock, kissing him lightly. "Feel better?"

It took Spock a moment to answer. "Much," he agreed finally. He paused a moment before adding, "If this is your method of warming me up, Jim, then I believe I will have to become cold more often from now on."

Jim laughed. "No need for that," he replied. "You don't have to be cold for me to warm you up." Spock smiled very slightly, and Jim smiled back. _Definitely _the _best shore leave _ever, he thought, and leaned over to kiss his bondmate again.


	7. The City On The Edge Of Forever

"I…Spock, I can't just let her die! I can't just stand there and watch while she gets killed."

Spock caught his eye. "Why? Have you fallen in love with her?"

Jim stared at him for a moment, clearly startled by the question. "What? No. Of course not. But, Spock…that kind of thing just completely goes against human nature. I _can't_."

Spock was completely still. "I can suggest no other alternative, Captain. Edith Keeler must die. The time of the doctor's arrival is far too imprecise to suggest that you merely stay away from her; it could take weeks." He glanced back up at his captain again. "I _am _sorry, Jim."

* * *

Jim had lied to him. Spock knew his captain well enough to see that. He _was _in love with Edith, whether he admitted it or not. Still, he did not press the issue. One thing he had learned from experience was that Jim very rarely wanted to talk about his own emotions. It would be best not to push him.

* * *

"Where would you estimate we belong, Miss Keeler?"

"You? At his side, as if you've always been there and always will."

* * *

"You deliberately stopped me, Jim! I could have saved her! Do you know what you just did?"

A sharp, dark look, and understanding flashes in the doctor's eyes.

"He knows, Doctor. He knows."

* * *

Too much, too much, too much pain, too much guilt, and none of it his, all of it from Jim, leaking across their link. Unintentional, undoubtedly, but still disturbing. He must help him. But how does one help a person who always wants to stand alone?

* * *

A little over a week after their return from 20th century Earth, Jim finally came and spoke to him, but it was not what Spock had expected.

Jim offered him a small smile, but even Spock could tell it was forced. "Come work out with me?" the Captain finally asked. "I…I've missed spending time with you."

Spock looked at his captain, his t'hy'la, with some relief. It may not have been much, but at least it was _something_.

* * *

Ten minutes later, Spock had pinned the captain to the ground with the sole intention of forcing him to speak his mind. He naturally had his suspicions as to why Jim would ask him to spar with him and then hardly defend himself at all, but he wanted Jim to acknowledge it.

"Let me _up_, dammit."

"No."

Jim glared at him, the most emotion he had shown since their return to the Enterprise. "That's a fucking order, Commander. _Let me up_."

"No."

The captain sighed irritably. "Well, would you at least tell me why? I don't appreciate being held captive by my first officer without good reason."

Spock raised an eyebrow, surprised by Jim's quick acquiescence. He tried to hold the captain's gaze, but Jim turned away. "You are emotionally compromised. I will not let you up until you have told me why. Clearly this is the only way for you to face your emotions."

Jim rolled his eyes. "Like you're one to talk about dealing with feelings." Spock did not respond, but he didn't loosen his grip on the captain either. Jim sighed.

"It's about Edith, okay? Let me up." He struggled once again underneath Spock, but Spock had no intention of letting him go yet.

"Explain."

Jim just stared at him. After a minute, he turned his face away from Spock again. "I can't. Not with you."

"Jim, I am aware of your feelings for her. Your speaking of them would not bother me." Much.

Jim sighed. "I know. That's why I can't. I feel like…like by even looking at her I've been unfaithful to you and you don't even love me. And then I had to just let her die, and it was horrible, but what was worse was after, remembering it, because every time I thought about it it was like I was watching _you _die." He looked back up at Spock. "I know it's illogical, stupid, _whatever_, but I would never be able to stand losing you. And seeing Edith die just made me realize, I might have to someday—and it'd probably be my fault, I know—and it absolutely scared the hell out of me."

It was Spock's turn to stare. Jim's breathing was slightly labored, his eyes wet, and _he loves me? Is that possible?_

Jim spoke again. "You okay?"

The sound of his voice pulled Spock out of his thoughts. "Yes," he replied. "However, the only reason I can imagine you being the cause of my death is if your earlier statement of love had provoked a heart attack."

Jim tried, quite unsuccessfully, to keep from laughing. "Well, Mr. Spock," he said after a minute, "if you get a heart attack every time I say 'I love you', that could become a slight problem, because I plan on saying it as often as possible. If that's all right with you, of course."

Spock smiled very slightly, and Jim's eyes widened. "Please."

Jim grinned, then pulled Spock down closer to him and kissed his neck lightly, making a shudder run through him. "I love you," he murmured, kissing him again. "I love you, I love you, I love you." With each time he said it he moved closer to Spock's lips, until he was directly in front of them. He blew a light, cool breath over Spock's mouth, making him shiver again, but before he could speak his first officer did. "I love you," he said softly, right before leaning down to kiss his love.

Thank God for Edith Keeler.


	8. Jealous

"That has got to be _the _strangest thing you've ever said to me."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "I was under the impression that the strangest thing was when I informed you that the captain had a case of Andorian shingles on his penis."

Dr. McCoy snorted. "Well, believe me, that one's definitely up there too," he replied, "but this one is even stranger." He chewed the inside of his cheek. "Why don't you just ask Uhura or, I don't know, someone female at least?"

Spock paused a moment before answering. "I believe that seeing the two of us together will annoy the captain sufficiently to cause him to act without much thought. He is still under the impression that we dislike each other, as you know."

The doctor nodded, sighing slightly. He wasn't really happy about this, but if it helped Jim and Spock get together, it would definitely be worth it. "Okay, so, you want me to have him come down to the gym at 1900, right? And I'll meet you there at 1850."

Spock nodded, and then caught Dr. McCoy's gaze again. "Do you believe it will have the desired effect?" he asked somewhat hesitantly. The Vulcan way of saying "Do you think this is gonna work? _Please_ tell me this is gonna work". McCoy smiled wearily.

"I sure hope so."

* * *

Jim was confused.

Not that that was really a new thing—he played chess with Spock every night, so he generally spent more than half of his off-duty hours confused—but he wasn't usually confused where Bones was concerned, as was the case now.

His CMO had called him about ten minutes ago and asked him to meet him in the gym in twenty minutes, failing to give a concrete reason for it. And, because confused wasn't a state he particularly enjoyed being in, he was walking towards the gym now—ten minutes _before_ he was supposed to meet Bones.

He had to know what was going on. After all, he _was_ the captain, right?

* * *

"God damn it, Spock, how the hell are you supposed to let me pin you down if you keep using moves like that?"

Spock sighed minutely. "Doctor, I—" he began, but then he stopped abruptly, his sharp Vulcan hearing picking up footsteps that sounded conspicuously like Jim's. He quickly pulled the towards him and allowed the two of them to fall backward onto the gymnasium floor. McCoy looked annoyed.

"Spock, what the hell?" he said, his voice practically a hiss. "The captain is coming," Spock whispered back.

Dr. McCoy's eyes widened slightly. "Seriously? But I…" Before he could say anything else, however, the doctor found himself rather unceremoniously cut off by the press of Spock's lips against his.

* * *

The sight that met the captain when he turned into the gym was most definitely not one he could or would have ever predicted.

Spock was laying flat on his back and staring up at Bones, who had his hands on Spock's upper arms, effectively pinning him to floor. As Jim watched, Spock leaned up a little and whispered something in Bones' ear, then pulled back just enough to kiss him. Jim's mind reeled.

Spock had just kissed Bones. On the lips.

_Spock _had kissed _Bones. _On the lips. What the fucking _hell_?

The confusion, however, only lasted a moment before jealousy, hot, dark jealousy, began to course through his veins. Without thinking, he moved forward and roughly pulled Bones off Spock, who in turn looked faintly surprised (for a Vulcan, anyway). He pulled his first officer up off the ground and started talking without even really paying attention to what came out.

"What the _hell_ are you doing? You _hate _Bones." Spock's expression remained perfectly, infuriatingly blank, which just made me Jim angrier. He lashed out again.

"Seriously, I wanna know why you were kissing him. Just curious, you know, because I was always under the impression that my first officer and my CMO got under each other's skin, but it never occurred to me that I should take that quite so literally. Tell me, does he fuck good for you? He did for me." Spock growled a little at that, his lips curling back over his teeth ever so slightly. Still, Jim couldn't make himself stop.

"Answer me, dammit." He pushed Spock, and the Vulcan fell a little off-balance, but he recovered quickly. Then suddenly the two of them were on the floor and both fighting for the top position and Jim wasn't really sure _how_ it happened but his mood was slowly shifting from pissed off to slightly aroused, which was somewhat embarrassing, but he certainly couldn't control it.

Finally they stopped moving, and Jim was on top of Spock, breathing heavily, in almost the exact same position that Bones had been just minutes earlier. Once he had managed to catch his breath, a very warm hand reached up and turned his face a little so that he was staring into Spock's eyes. They merely held each others' gazes for a minute before Spock broke the silence. "May I, Jim?" he asked, his hand stopping over the meld points mere centimeters from Jim's face, and Jim couldn't help but be surprised and mollified by Spock's use of his first name. Part of him wanted to say no, because he knew Spock was trying to explain and he didn't feel like listening, but fortunately it was the more rational part that nodded and closed his eyes in preparation for the meld.

He immediately felt Spock's familiar presence in his mind. _Jim, I am sorry. But I could think of no alternatives, _came across to him from Spock, along with a conversation between Spock and Bones from that morning. They had tricked him. Somehow, he couldn't bring himself to be too angry about it.

_It's all right_, he thought. _It was a good idea. _He paused. _Is Bones still here?_

_No, he is not. He returned to Sickbay. Why?_

_Because there's no way in hell I'd do _this_ with Bones standing right there_, he thought, leaning down and capturing Spock's lips in a deep, somewhat possessive kiss. He kept it slow at first, but it didn't take long for the kiss to become heated, the two of them twisting against each other, their tongues tangling in each others' mouths. Jim slipped his hands under Spock's shirt, running his fingers over the toned chest, and broke the kiss just long to pull the shirts over Spock's head. Spock did the same for him before pulling Jim back down to him to crash their mouths together once again.

After a few minutes of just kissing, Jim reached down and undid Spock's pants swiftly, freeing his dark green cock before doing the same for himself. Then he went back up and swallowed Spock's gasp of pleasure at the friction of their cocks coming together.

It took a few minutes, but soon the two were thrusting against each other hard, writhing on the floor and moaning into each others' mouths. Jim could feel that he was close, but he wanted to go at the same time, so he broke their kiss and pulled Spock's index finger his mouth, making Spock moan as he licked the finger once from base to tip. After that, it wasn't long for either of them, and the two lay next each other on the gym floor, Jim's head resting lightly on top of his new lover's chest. The contented silence only lasted for a few minutes before Jim spoke. He just had to know something.

"So, am I a better kisser than Bones?"


	9. Pon Farr

Spock couldn't help it—he wanted his captain, wanted him with a force, a _need _that was far beyond his control.

And he hated him for it.

Granted, it wasn't really the captain's fault, but it still annoyed Spock to no end that this man, this mere human, never ceased to be able to evoke emotion in him, often without even trying. All his years of learning to control his emotions, his perfect discipline, all undone with a simple touch from a _human_. It was infuriating.

Their friendship only made things worse, for it ensured that, even if Spock opted to spend his day in the labs, they would still see each other every night for their chess games, and Spock's control was wearing thinner with each day that drew him closer to his pon farr. At this point, it was likely only a matter of days before he pinned his captain to the wall in an attempt to either kill him or kiss him.

All because Jim had brushed against him at exactly the wrong time.

It had been an accident, he knew. Spock had noticed that he was beginning to become slightly more inclined to emotionalism and, having recognized that particular symptom from his father's pon farrs, had immediately gone to Sickbay to have Dr. McCoy check his body for signs of pon farr.

After the doctor had informed him that he was in fact entering pon farr and had about two weeks before it actually started, he left Sickbay to go to his own quarters and contact his father. As he was leaving, Jim suddenly turned into Sickbay, and had collided against him before Spock had a chance to move, the cool touch of his body sending a shiver of something he couldn't quite define down his spine.

Unfortunately, Spock's mental shields weren't quite as strong as usual at that moment, and Jim's touch caused their minds to brush against each other as well. A very light touch, so light that Spock doubted Jim had even noticed, but it was still a wonder to Spock that their minds hadn't automatically bonded them. The link they already shared would have simplified it, of course, but Spock was stunned practically motionless by how compatible their minds were.

Jim barely noticed. "Oh, sorry, Spock," he said, sounding like he was in a hurry, quickly moving away so that they were no longer touching. The loss was unexpectedly disconcerting. Then, suddenly, Jim's eyes were on his, studying him, concerned. "Are you okay?" he asked, sounding like he actually cared about the answer.

It took Spock a moment to respond. Not quite trusting himself to speak, he nodded, swallowing. Finally he tore his eyes away from Jim's. "Excuse me, Captain. I must go contact my father." He left as quickly as he could, not letting the captain answer.

Spock sighed, remembering. He had tried, since then, to stay away from the captain, but he seemed drawn to him, like a moth to a flame. After all, how could one stay away from one's intended?

* * *

The dream had been bugging Jim for a while now, nearly two weeks. Not bugging him because of its content, necessarily, but because it kept coming back. Every single night, no exceptions, sometimes more than once.

In the dream, he and Spock were together in a place that he knew instinctively to be the Vulcan desert—the original Vulcan, not the colony. They were shirtless and barefoot and, always, there were a few slightly awkward moments where they just stared at each other, and Jim could tell something important had just been revealed to him, but he couldn't remember what and he didn't have a chance to even really care before Spock's lips were on his, kissing him fiercely, deeply, passionately, and then…well. Let's just say what happened after that always made him wake up hard.

The dream's content didn't really bother him because he had known for a while now that he was attracted to his first officer. Very attracted, actually. But the regularity of the dream was disturbing. Though he had never really believed that dreams were full of symbols and always meant one thing or another, he couldn't help thinking that maybe, just this once, his subconscious was trying to tell him something. Though he didn't have the faintest idea _what_.

When woke at 0400 one morning after having the dream, he decided he had to do something. He didn't feel like he could very well ask Spock, so he did the next best thing—he called Spock's elder self.

"Jim," Spock said, sounding surprised. His room was dim, and there were meditation candles around him. Jim immediately felt guilty for calling so early.

"I'm sorry, Ambassador, am I interrupting—"

"No, no," Spock said quickly. "I am finished." He studied Jim's face. "What is wrong?"

Jim chewed the inside of his cheek. "Um, well," he started, trying to figure out how exactly to say this. "I've been having…weird dreams about Spock. My Spock. I don't know if you'd…" He trailed off, not knowing what else to say.

Fortunately, the Ambassador seemed to understand. "What kind of dreams?" he asked, his eyebrow rising slightly.

Jim spoke without thinking. "Sex dreams," he blurted, and immediately did a mental face-palm. Brilliant.

_Both _eyebrows rose. Jim bit back a laugh at that and tried to explain. "But they're not…not normal. I mean, it's just one dream, really. The same one every time, for almost two weeks now. Every night. It seems…like my subconscious or maybe Spock is trying to tell me something, but I don't know what or why or even _how_, really."

"Describe it," the Ambassador replied, practically before Jim had finished speaking. Jim complied. When he finished, he watched Spock for a moment, clearly deep in thought. After a moment, he looked back up at Jim.

"Have you had any out-of-the-ordinary physical contact with my younger self recently? Specifically, around two weeks ago?" he asked.

Jim bit his lip, trying to remember. "I don't think so," he replied. "I mean, I try to keep the touching minimal, because of…" He cut himself off, remembering something. "Wait! Yes, there was…he left the bridge early to go to Sickbay, he said he had to ask Bones something, and I went in at the end of shift to make sure he was okay, and I walked right into him. He was leaving at the same time I was going in." He looked back at the ambassador. "Would that have done anything?"

Spock didn't answer right away. "Am I correct in assuming that my younger has done the same as I did with my captain and created a mental link with you to ensure your safety when the two of you are apart?"

Jim nodded. It had been an interesting experience, to say the least.

The ambassador inhaled rather sharply. "Then yes, you touching him at that point would most certainly have caused your dreams."

The captain frowned. "I don't understand. How—"

"I have spoken to my younger self recently. His pon farr began to affect his body approximately two weeks ago and he estimated that he had little time left before its onset. He had gone to Dr. McCoy to be sure his analysis of the situation was correct. He did not, however, mention that you had touched him." He sighed and shook his head slightly before continuing. "Because the link was already in place, and because my younger self's mental shields were most likely not in good condition at the time, his mind reached out to yours in a method similar to that often used between bondmates to alert you of his pon farr." Jim gaped.

"Bondmates?" he spluttered. "But—what—"

The other smiled slightly. "You are not bondmates yet, no. But I have no doubt that your mind is the most compatible of any anywhere with his. It is highly unlikely that such a thing would have occurred otherwise."

Jim took a moment to absorb this, vaguely aware of his mouth opening and closing uselessly. Finally he pulled himself out of his shock. "What do I do?" he asked. "I mean, he needs me, right?"

The ambassador nodded. "Very much," he agreed. "I am somewhat surprised he has managed to resist you thus far. The beginning cannot be much further away." He paused. "I would suggest a simple seduction—provided, of course, that you are not averse to becoming his bondmate."

"No, of course not. I love him," Jim said, then stopped in surprise, not having realized what was coming out until it had. The other Spock gave him another tiny but obviously pleased smile in response. He could feel himself blushing a little, but he ignored it. "But I don't know if he'd want that."

Spock shook his head. "You misunderstand, Jim. Such a thing could only occur between two un-bonded beings if he had some kind of romantic attachment to you which was reciprocated by you. Whether he is aware of it or not—though I hope he is—he does love you."

Jim was overwhelmed. He couldn't help it—he was only human, after all.

When he finally regained power of speech, he nodded, swallowing. "Okay then. Seduction it is." The ambassador gave a low chuckle, presumably at his admittedly rather terrified tone.

"Do not worry, Jim. All will be fine."

Easy for _him _to say.

* * *

Spock was attempting to meditate when the knock came on his door. Only 'attempting', though; it wasn't working very well, as he kept becoming distracted by thoughts of Jim, of his lips on Jim's, on his lips, his neck, his chest…

In any case, even trying and failing to meditate was preferable to attempting to sleep in his condition. He had soon realized that trying to sleep while feeling uncomfortable in one's own skin was an exercise in futility, and he had abandoned the attempt rather quickly.

His skin felt overly sensitized, cloth rough and uncomfortable against it, so he wore no clothes. He would bear it while he was on duty tomorrow—or was it later today?—provided he didn't burn alive before then. He had a sudden mental image of Jim's face if were to show up on the Bridge wearing no clothing, and even that simple thought sent a shudder of desire through his body. It took him a moment to realize that he wasn't imagining his captain's face.

He jumped off the floor and away from Jim as if burned, shaking his head. "No," he said vehemently, his voice practically a snarl. "No. You cannot be here."

Jim didn't look even remotely afraid. "Yes, I can," he replied casually. "I'm the captain, remember?" He took a step closer to Spock.

Spock's jaw clenched. "Leave," he said, meaning to move one step backwards, but his body protested this and took a step towards Jim instead. _No, no, no! Stop. You will hurt him. _His body wouldn't listen to his mind's commands, but after a moment, he managed to force himself to take a step away, costing him more effort than he would have believed possible. Jim took another step toward him, and all he could do was stare, not trusting himself to move at all.

"It's okay," Jim said, his voice soft. "I'm not gonna hurt you." He came so close to Spock that their bodies almost touched and reached up, stroking his cheek lightly. His hand felt cool and perfect on Spock's far too hot skin, his touch sending sparks of pleasure and desire through his body, and he couldn't help closing his eyes and leaning ever so slightly into Jim's hand.

Suddenly he realized what he was doing and he jumped back again, his eyes flying open. "No," he said again, more forcefully this time. Jim's eyes caught his, looking hurt, and he looked away quickly. "You have to leave. If you don't…"

"I know what happens if I do," Jim interrupted him. "You could _die_."

"I refuse to force you into a bond that you do not want simply because you do not want me to die. _Go!"_

The two of them just stared at each other. After nearly a minute, Jim spoke again, his tone soft. "I know what happens if I leave. But what happens if I stay?"

"I could kill you," Spock said, his voice hoarse, then paused. He hadn't meant to say that; he didn't want Jim to believe he wanted him. _But why not?_ the emotional part of his brain screamed. _You _do _want him, and he's offering himself to you. Why should you not take him, if he is willing to help you?_

Spock closed his eyes against the sight of Jim and the onslaught of emotions he inspired, but Jim's voice cut through him. "Sounds like one of us could die either way. Frankly, if one of us has gotta die, I'd rather it be me than you."

Spock opened his eyes. "You have come here out of duty alone, because you do not want your first officer to die. To take advantage of your offer would be selfish and unfair of me, and I do not want to be bonded to one who does not desire me as I do him. I will not." Jim stared at him incredulously.

"Duty?" he said. "You think I'd volunteer myself for this if it was anyone else? I wouldn't. I'm here because I love you and I want you and you _need _me right now. What the hell kind of a mate would I be if I wasn't there when you needed me?"

It was Spock's turn to stare. "You-" he started, but Jim cut him off.

"Yes," he said. "I meant every word of that. But we can talk about that later. There's something way more important we should be thinking about right now." Jim once again stepped closer to Spock, and Spock didn't try to move away this time. He moved closer instead, desperate to feel the coolness of Jim's lips on his, and then there he was, cool skin pressed more closely against his own than he would have thought possible.

It couldn't have turned out more perfect if they had planned out every detail beforehand.

* * *

Several days later, the two of them lay in bed together, exhausted but not enough so to keep them from having the conversation that had started in their heads through their new bond a while ago.

"Look," Jim said insistently, "if anyone's to blame—and I'm not saying anyone _is_—it's you, for being so damn attractive. If it wasn't for that—"

Spock interrupted. "My physical features can hardly be considered to be my fault, Jim." Jim grinned.

"Then do what I do—blame your genes."

Spock frowned. "You wish me to, essentially, blame my mother and father for your seduction of me?"

His captain frowned slightly. "Well, when you put it that way, it _does _sound kind of weird…but essentially, yes." Spock raised an eyebrow.

"Perhaps it would be more logical to simply blame your seduction on our attraction to one another as well as our minds' compatibility."

Jim rolled his eyes. "You and your damn logic." He grinned impishly. "Personally, I kind of like the idea of blaming it on your parents." Spock simply stared at him for a long moment. Finally he decided on one last reply.

"You are infinitely strange, Jim."

His new bondmate just laughed. "I know. Isn't it great?"


	10. Sunday Morning

Spock wakes up slowly for once, blinking repeatedly to try to get his eyes to focus and automatically snapping them shut again once they do, vaguely aware as he does so of a dull ache in his head. Forcing himself to open them again, he glances around the hotel room, trying to locate Jim, and when he does, he is rather illogically torn between laughing and groaning.

His bondmate is standing in the kitchen cooking breakfast, wearing nothing but an apron tied around his waist.

Spock shakes his slightly and winces at the sharp stab of pain that earns him. He slowly gets up and goes over to Jim, who gives him a warm, affectionate smile and pulls him into his arms.

"Hey," he says. "You feel okay? You had a lot of chocolate last night, you know."

Spock buries his head in Jim's neck, making Jim laugh. "Mmmm" is the only answer he can manage. After a few minutes, Jim gently disengages himself from Spock's arms, smiling slightly at the disgruntled sound Spock makes in the back of his throat. "Calm down. I'm not going far-Bones left me a hypo for your hangover."

He watches somewhat apprehensively as Jim gets the hypo and is somewhat distracted when Jim presses his lips to Spock's, though he can't help wincing a little as it goes into his neck. He almost instantly feels better, though he is still exhausted, and returns his bondmate's kiss with considerably more enthusiasm. Jim moans slightly into his mouth.

"Spock," he starts, half laughing, when Spock pulls away to plant a trail of kisses along his neck and jaw. "Spock, stop it. We haven't even eat-" He cuts himself off with a gasp as Spock bites down lightly at the junction of his neck and shoulder, and it takes him a moment to get back to his train of thought. "Spock, come on. We should at least have breakfast first." But Spock isn't paying him any attention, kissing back up his neck to lick and suck his ear. Jim leans into the touch, sighing softly as his thought process is totally derailed again by the ever-efficient Vulcan. "What has gotten into you?" he asks finally.

Spock sucks the tip of his ear, hard, before answering. "Nothing," he murmured without moving from his position. "I am merely doing what your apron says." Jim's brow furrows in confusion for a minute before remembering that he was wearing an apron an former girlfriend had given him that said "kiss the cook".

"Well, thanks," he says, trying to pull away from Spock and get closer to him at the same time, "but if we don't eat soon the food's gonna get cold and-" He breaks off again as Spock's hand slides under his apron, making him gasp loudly. Spock actually smirks, turning his head to kiss him again.

"You were saying?" Spock asks, and Jim has to force himself to focus.

"Ummm...oh right-if we don't eat soon breakfast is gonna...ah...will, uh, get cold. And then I'll feel bad, 'cause I was trying to-um. Hmmm. Oh yeah, because I'm trying to take care of you. And this is kinda the opposite."

If Spock were fully human he would probably have had to repress a laugh at the degeneration of Jim's speech and possibly lost focus, but fortunately for his bondmate he was only half human and was not overly distracted. He pressed another kiss to Jim's neck. "Bed," he says softly but firmly, and Jim, finally completely distracted, obeys without question.

* * *

A little over an hour later, Jim somewhat reluctantly rolls away from Spock to his side of the bed, feeling vaguely overheated. "Jesus," he mutters, still rather breathless.

"Indeed," Spock replies, and Jim can practically hear his eyebrow raise (Spock's never really understood why he says that sometimes after sex). There's a slight pause while Jim tries to catch his breath and form a coherent sentence.

"I suppose breakfast is definitely cold by now," he said, frowning slightly. He turns to look at Spock, who just watches him, his dark brown eyes unreadable. "I can heat it up, if you feel like eating."

Spock's eyes seem to almost burn. "The only thing I feel like eating at the moment is you," he says, and damn that sounds sexy. Normally he might've said something about how that comment seemed to point toward cannibalism, which was most definitely illogical, but right now he can only think one thing.

_This is _definitely_ becoming a Sunday morning tradition._


	11. Blush

He should've been used to it by now.

Jim Kirk almost always had some obsession going, sometimes more than one at a time, and they almost always involved someone or something highly attractive.

So really, it should not have been as much of a surprise as it was to realize that he was currently enamored with his first officer's blush.

Okay, well, not _just _the blush. He was completely in love with _all _of Spock. The blush thing was more like…an obsession within an obsession.

It had all started with the mind meld back on Delta Vega. Spock Prime had accidentally given Jim far more memories than he had meant to, which started coming out in Jim's dreams. He had immediately contacted the ambassador, who in turn promised to remove the memories as soon as possible. It had taken a while, and the process had been _very _messy, but Jim had finally managed to get himself to New Vulcan a few weeks ago. Spock's counterpart had removed the memories, and Jim's life went back to normal…for all of about two days.

Not long after his return to the ship, the dreams came back, but they were different. The first dreams had been Spock's counterpart and his own making love and, afterwards, the older Jim telling Spock he had used that particular position so he would be able to see Spock's face, making the Vulcan blush. And, as mushy as it sounded to even _think _it, the whole thing was utterly beautiful—the sex, of course, but also their counterparts' obvious love for another, and especially Spock's blush, the light dusting of green over his cheeks and the tips of his ears.

_Anyway_. After Spock's counterpart had removed the memories, the dreams were absent for two whole nights before they returned in vivid clarity, but this time they were different. This time, the dream was from his point of view, not Spock's, and it wasn't his and Spock's counterparts having sex. It was _them_.

The first time it happened, he had woken up in the middle of the night, breathing heavily, his sheets wet with something other than sweat, Spock's blushing face still in his mind.

At first, the new dreams freaked him out even more than the old ones, because the changes to the dreams meant that what he felt in them was his own and therefore could not be fixed by Spock Prime, which he found to be highly disconcerting to say the least.

After a little while, however, he had come to terms with his attraction to his first officer and was now almost entirely focused on getting said first officer to blush, which was proving to be difficult, but not impossible. Several of his more suggestive remarks made on the Bridge had actually made Spock not only blush, but also stutter momentarily. It was pretty damn cute, actually.

But Jim wanted _more. _He didn't want just the blush, he wanted Spock, and he wanted to make Spock blush for a reason other than that his captain was being inappropriate. He just didn't know_how._

* * *

Spock was flustered. Unsurprisingly, Captain James T. Kirk was the cause.

What _were_surprising were the actual reasons for Spock's state.

Recently, the captain appeared to have taken to trying to 'flirt' with Spock, but in a joking manner. He would often utter suggestive comments on the Bridge which he pretended to direct at Spock, but that was not the root of the Vulcan's problem.

His problem was the touches.

Ironically, the fact that he was a touch telepath had very little bearing on the issue—since he had terminated his relationship with Nyota, his mental shields always remained up and at full capacity, so emotional transference was highly unlikely. What _did _bother him was how, though the captain's body temperature was cooler than his own, every spot that Jim touched seemed to burn him and, also, how much he found himself longing for the captain's touch when it was gone, more than he had ever desired anything in his life. It was slightly disconcerting and caused Spock to have to re-think every conclusion he'd ever made about their relationship.

After a considerable amount of meditation (for Spock really did not want to believe this), he was finally able to admit to himself that he had feelings for the captain that went beyond friendship. And for some reason, every time after this revelation that Jim made a suggestive comment or, worse, touched Spock, Spock found himself entirely unable to contain a rush of blood flowing to his face, a rampant blush spreading from his cheeks to the tips if his ears. It was utterly confusing, as well as embarrassing. He had no idea what to do—about his reaction or about his feelings for the captain.

Not for the first time that day, Spock ran a hand lightly through his hair and couldn't help wishing that his mother were here. She would have been able to help.

Quite suddenly, the chime on Spock's door rang, followed by footsteps which sounded exactly like his captain's. Spock jumped slightly and immediately reached up to flatten his hair again, not wanting Jim to see him in a state like this. It was bad enough that Spock could barely conceal his emotions whenever the other man touched him.

* * *

Jim paused after pressing the chime on Spock's door. What was he _doing_?

Strangely, he hadn't even really realized he was coming here until he got here, and to be honest, he wasn't sure _why_ he was here. He panicked for a moment. Spock probably wouldn't be happy to see him if he didn't have a legitimate reason for being there. Which, he suddenly realized, he _did._

Jim had almost forgotten about it because his day had been so crazy, but before today, he had noticed that Spock seemed to be avoiding him. He only spoke to the captain when spoken to, and he ignored anything said to him that didn't pertain directly to the mission at hand. Not to mention the fact that he had cancelled three of their chess games in the last week. As a result, the Bridge had become about as welcome as the Arctic tundra to Jim, and he didn't even know what he had done this time.

Before he'd really had time to figure what he was going to say, Spock's door slid open, and he said the first thing that came to mind.

"Why have you been avoiding me?" he blurted, at the same time that Spock asked, "Captain. How may I help you?" Jim just looked at his First, knowing he had heard what he'd said. Spock stared back at him blankly for a long moment before answering.

"I have not been avoiding you."

"Bullshit." The word left his mouth without his permission, but he wasn't going to take it back. He took a step closer to Spock, who stayed still but watched him with a rather apprehensive expression. "You have most definitely been avoiding me. Or do you have another word for not only spending almost all of your time on duty in the labs and cancelling our last three chess games when we both know you don't really have a good reason to?"

The tips of Spock's ears had turned slightly green, and Jim had a hard time not reaching out to touch them. He shook his head slightly, and as Spock started to speak again, he cut him off. "Spock. Don't bother denying it. Just tell me _why_."

He swore Spock would've bitten his lip if he were human. "I…would rather not," he said after a minute. "Please leave, Captain," he added. "I am in need of meditation."

"It's Jim," Jim corrected automatically. "And somehow I highly doubt you need to meditate." He wasn't sure why he'd said that, but it was true; he was quite sure Spock was lying. He moved closer again. "Just talk to me, Spock." Spock took a small step backward and, without thinking, Jim reached out and grabbed his wrist.

* * *

Jim couldn't be entirely sure about what happened next. All he knew was that one minute he and Spock were standing nearly a foot apart, Jim's hand on Spock's wrist the only thing connecting them, and the next they were closer than he would have thought possible, lips pressed together, their kisses alternating between fierce and tender. He had no idea how they had gotten like that or, more importantly, _why _they were kissing, but he couldn't quite bring himself to care until Spock pulled away from him, breathing heavily.

For a moment they just stood there, foreheads pressed against each other, eyes closed, trying to catch their breath. Jim absentmindedly ran his thumb over Spock's palm and felt him shudder slightly before he spoke. "Jim," he started. The captain, sensing a protest, opened his eyes and kissed Spock's palm lightly before turning to look into his first's eyes. What he saw there didn't exactly surprise him.

"Spock, calm down," he said, unable to help sighing a little. Spock just stared at him, his face seemingly blank, but Jim could tell he was still freaking out somewhat, in his weird Vulcan way of doing that kind of thing. He sighed again.

"Look, I know you're Vulcan and this is probably pretty hard for you to deal with, but please, _please_ try to remember you're not entirely Vulcan," Jim said softly.

Spock quite suddenly turned away from him, and he moved so quickly that it took Jim's brain a moment to catch up-he was turning to leave. Apparently he had forgotten that they were in _his _quarters.

"Spock, stop. I didn't mean it _that _way, you dope," Jim said, a little desperate, already missing the feel of Spock's body against his. It had felt like their bodies fit together perfectly, like they had been made only for each other. Spock did stop, but he didn't turn. Okay, well, at least he would hear this. That was all Jim could ask for, right? "I just meant-you're half human. Humans' bodies react when they're touched by someone they find attractive, or that they have feelings for. You can't just ignore your human side with this."

Spock finally did turn at that, frowning very slightly. "How did you know that I have feelings for you?"

Jim grinned. "I didn't. I just guessed. But apparently I guessed right." Spock blushed, and Jim's smile widened. "If you really want to know, I guessed when you started to avoid me. I just had to figure out a way to be sure." He waited while Spock processed that, noting with some smugness that he didn't bother denying the whole avoidance thing. After a minute, though, he didn't feel like he could wait any longer. "Now, please get back over here?" he asked tentatively. "I miss having you in my arms."

Spock blushed again at that, coming back to stand in front of Jim again. Jim stroked his green-flushed cheek softly. "I love this," he said. "Making you blush. It's so..._pretty_." The blush deepened ever so slightly, and Jim gave a tiny smile before leaning in to kiss Spock again. Perfect.


	12. Eternal

**A/N: This is a companion piece 'The City On The Edge Of Forever'. Hope y'all like. :) ~ana**

Why did everything always have to be so complicated for them?

Seriously, it was like the universe had it out for the two of them sometimes. But, worse, half the time Jim knew _he_ was the one making things complicated, not the universe.

Like now, for instance. When he'd returned from Exo 3, Spock naturally wanted to be positive that it was really him, and had melded with him before he'd even had a chance to get off the transporter pad, and that was when he saw, as much in Spock's actions as in his mind.

Spock loved him.

He couldn't honestly say it surprised him, not after the mind meld with Spock Prime, but...it was just so beyond anything he felt he could actually return, and so much more than he deserved. And Spock could see that, probably could've even without the meld, he knew Jim so well, and he pulled out of the meld so fast Jim practically got mental whiplash.

His face was entirely unreadable, the epitome of a Vulcan face, and Jim immediately kicked himself. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I just...I don't deserve you. I _know_ I don't. You would give me so much more than I could ever give you in return. You're better off with Uhura." And then he walked away. He couldn't help it, it was just _too much _for him because even if he did love Spock, it couldn't possibly compare to what he'd just seen in the meld and that wasn't fair.

He kind of expected Spock's avoidance of him. Really. He was totally caught off guard when his first officer showed up for their chess game that night, even though neither of them had actually cancelled the game. It was by far the most awkward night of his life, but for some reason he couldn't name he couldn't bring himself to stop the game. It was like watching an accident happen and knowing there was nothing you could do about it so you didn't even try.

And then his whole world was turned upside down.

Part of him kind of wished that the Guardian of Forever was mortal, so that he could kill it. His life was bad enough as it was; he really did not need to go back in time and lose himself in a woman he didn't actually love just to distract himself from the startling realization that he loved _Spock_. Seriously. He was fucked up enough already.

But he was Jim Kirk, and that was how he dealt with things. So he let himself think that he was in love with Edith, and it wasn't until he lied to Spock about it that he realized that he actually _wasn't_ lying. But he ignored that-until they were back on the Enterprise, anyway. Because then there really wasn't any way of getting around it, not with Spock giving him way too much damn space so he could deal with the whole thing while he was dreaming about it practically every night, except instead of Edith getting killed it was Spock and _fuck_ did that freak him out, even more than his nightmares about Tarsus IV did, and that was saying something.

Still, he wasn't really sure what the _hell_ he was doing when he knocked on Spock's door a week after they got back, so he said the first thing that came to mind. "Come work out with me? I…I've missed spending time with you." And Spock agreed, and he was happy, genuinely _happy_, for the first time since before the mind meld.

Except it didn't work exactly the way he wanted, because once they started sparring, it felt like a metaphor for the...this _thing_ between them, and that was when he realized that he didn't want them to be like that. He didn't want to fight Spock anymore, in any way, so he just stopped.

But, because he didn't always think things through, he kind of forgot that Spock couldn't _actually_ read his mind (although it really seemed that way sometimes) and so his first officer did the exact thing Jim would've done had their positions been reversed-he pinned Jim down and refused to let him up until he talked. And as much as it was a little strange that Spock knew him so damn well, it was also kind of nice, because it was obvious he cared, and other than Pike and his mom, most people just _didn't_.

Even so, his automatic response was to argue with Spock. Part of him actually wanted to, in a way, because if it hadn't been for the stupid meld none of this would've happened anyway, but it was hard to blame someone for something that _you_ already felt guilty for, so it wasn't long before he just shut himself up. Well, not exactly. More like, he just let the emotional part of his brain take over and said what he needed to say before the rational part could interfere.

"I love you."

* * *

Jim sighed contentedly into Spock's mouth. There was no way it could possibly get better than this.

Spock finally pulled away, and Jim automatically slid his arms around his waist to make sure he didn't go _too_ far. "Should I let you up now, Jim?"

The captain laughed. "Actually, I'd really rather you didn't. I'd get cold fairly quickly if you did." Then he grinned. "Unless, of course, you letting me up would lead to certain other hot...activities." He watched with rather ridiculous delight as Spock blushed a lovely emerald green at his words. To his surprise, however, Spock's response was easily as suggestive as his own.

"I see no reason why I would have to let you up to partake in such activities." Jim's eyes automatically widened to what was no doubt their maximum capacity. He quickly tried to ignore how absolutely arousing that statement had been and say something witty, but he knew before he'd opened his mouth that it was a lost cause.

"In here? Seriously?" he whispered, his lips brushing the shell of Spock's ear. Spock shivered. "You must _really_ love me to suggest that."

It took Spock a moment to answer, distracted as he was by Jim's tongue tracing the tip of his ear. "There...is no one else here, Captain. It would be illogical not to take advantage of the situation."

Jim gave his ear a hard suck, forcing a sharp gasp from Spock's lips, then released it just long enough to point out, "Maybe, but someone could walk in at any time." Then he moved to repeat the same treatment on Spock's other ear. Spock's eyes slid shut momentarily.

"Mmmm...that is true." He opened his eyes and, after brushing his lips lightly over Jim's, he raised his voice slightly. "Computer, lock access to gymnasium rec room 3. Authorization Spock beta alpha beta." Jim was silent for a moment.

"Are you all right, Jim?" Spock asked.

Jim nodded. "Yeah. It's just...I can't believe _I_ didn't think of that. Smooth."

Spock gave him another tiny smile. "You cannot always think of everything, Jim."

The captain raised an eyebrow. "Oh really?" he asked. As he spoke, his hand slipped easily into Spock's pants, which he had undone while Spock had been locking them in, and pulled his rock-hard erection into his hand. Spock's eyes closed at the touch, a low moan escaping his lips, and Jim grinned. Perfect.

"You were saying?" he asked sweetly, his voice only a little smug. He was too fascinated by seeing Spock like this to fully appreciate being right. Maybe later.

He twisted his hand slightly, and Spock moaned again, his head falling forward so that his forehead was resting against Jim's. "Jim..." he murmured, his lips moving like a caress over Jim's. Jim quickly pulled them into a kiss, unable to help himself, swallowing Spock's sound when he moved his hand in exactly the right way.

When it was over, Spock pulled his lips away from Jim's, but he didn't move very far. "I was wrong," he said after a moment. "Perhaps you _do_ think of everything."

Jim laughed. It was too much of a relief, to be here, _together_ finally, for him to do much of anything else.


	13. Useless

**A/N: So, this a deleted scene from a family fic I'm doing called First Contact. I haven't published it yet because I recently realized that there are a few other fics that I should finish before so FC makes more sense. But I couldn't help myself with this one, so here you go. A few FYIs: Saavik and Rachelle are Jim and Spock's adopted daughters, Abby is their daughter created through artificial insemination with a Vulcan woman named T'Rena, Sadako is Sulu's daughter through AI, Alex is Chekov's son through AI, and Joanna is McCoy's daughter with his ex-wife. Any questions, feel free to PM me or ask me in a review. Enjoy! ~ana**

Jim rolled away from Spock, sighing. Spock just stared at him for a moment in sheer surprise. The last time he checked, Jim was most definitely _not_ one to refuse sex.

"Jim, what is wrong?" he asked, taking Jim's hand and rubbing their fingers together in a Vulcan kiss. Jim returned it, turning slightly so he was facing Spock again. "I don't like this. It's weird," he said, his voice very quiet. Seeing Spock's face, he quickly clarified, "I mean, the whole thing about them wanting to promote us. Not _this_." He leaned forward and kissed Spock the human way, just to reassure him (though Spock would vehemently deny actually _needing_reassurance).

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Why should your promotion be considered a negative thing?" he asked. "It _has_been 15 years since your last promotion, after all."

Jim sighed. "I know, but being an admiral would be boring. I mean, what would I do besides paperwork? It'd suck. I can't just sit around doing paperwork while you're out training cadets with the _Enterprise_." He fixed Spock with a slightly forlorn gaze. "I'm not ready to be useless."

Spock fought the urge to roll his eyes. "Jim, I do not believe that you even know the _meaning_of the word 'useless'. Between captaining the Enterprise, being a father to our children, and helping to raise Sadako and Alex, you have barely had a moment to relax in the last fifteen years. Would it be so bad for you to have a little less to do now?" Spock _really_couldn't help the slight sarcasm in his voice.

Jim bit his lip, partly to keep from laughing. "Are you saying I couldn't be useless if I tried?" he asked, amused. Spock gave him a tiny smile.

"Precisely," he replied dryly.

Jim laughed, but he was kind of considering it. When it was put to him that way...well, maybe it wouldn't be _that_bad. And he would still have Abby to look after while Spock was off-planet. Which only left that one issue-Spock having to go off-planet at all. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if Jim could go with him, but that would only be possible every once in a while. Spock sensed this through their bond and reached out to caress Jim's cheek gently. "I will be home most of the time, t'hy'la," he reminded Jim, kissing him lightly. His bondmate scowled anyway.

Spock shook his head. "You behave as if I would stay away from you longer than necessary. I assure you, in reality I would do the exact opposite." Jim's eyes narrowed.

"In reality?" he said. "You think I live in another reality or something in my head?"

Both of Spock's eyebrows rose at that. "I am not certain that you really wish for me to answer that." The pillow came at him almost instantly, and probably would have hit him in the head had he not ducked at the exact right second. When he looked up again, Jim was laughing and Spock almost laughed himself, but settled for tackling his bondmate and pinning him to the bed. Jim pulled him down for a kiss, but, to Spock surprise, he pulled away after only a little bit.

"Let's go visit Saavik and Rachelle," he said, and Spock raised an eyebrow. Normally _he_would be the one to suggest something like that. Noticing Spock's reaction, Jim added, "I just want to check up on things-you know, make sure Rachelle hasn't gotten over to Alex's dorm, that Saavik and Joanna haven't burned theirs down yet, things like that." He grinned. "It's not like I _want_ to postpone this or anything." Although Saavik and Rachelle got along fairly well on most days, Jim had flat-out refused to allow them to share a dorm at the Academy. Rachelle had therefore opted to room with Sulu and Chekov's daughter Sadako (mainly so she could spend more time with Sadako's brother, Alex). To almost everyone's utter shock, Saavik had decided to share a dorm with Dr. McCoy's daughter Joanna, and nobody was really sure how that was going to work, considering Joanna's similarity to her father. Still, Spock wasn't entirely sure he believed his husband; Jim did seem to have an addiction to teasing him.

"Then why should we?" he asked. "We still have nearly an hour before Abby should be home from school, and I believe she would want to come with us." Jim smirked. He was _definitely_teasing Spock.

"Fine," he said. Then he smiled again suddenly. "I guess this means I am still good for _something_, huh?"

This time, the pillow was thrown at Jim, and it was exactly on target.


	14. First Date

Jim honestly had no idea why he was so nervous.

Seriously. Granted, it was technically their first real date, but so what? They had already kissed _and_ slept together. So why was this such a big deal to him?

He thought back to their first kiss. Weirdly, it had taken place during one of their chess games, but that didn't stop it from being one of his favorite memories. Jim had happened to say something funny while they were playing, and Spock had given him that adorable little smile that appeared whenever he was amused by something, and all Jim could think was how much that smile made him want to kiss Spock senseless. Not that he was entirely sure of his ability to do so, but it was an intriguing idea nonetheless.

In any case, he wasn't really paying much attention, and when he went to move one of his pieces, he accidentally knocked it and several others off the board. He and Spock both leaned down to pick them up, but somehow their hands ended up around each other's wrists, and all Jim did the first thing that cam to mind-he kissed Spock.

He smiled at the memory. Spock's enthusiastic response had been entirely unexpected, but not enough so to slow either of them down-which, in his opinion, pretty much _proved_ that emotional responses could be logical, although Spock still didn't agree with him on that point.

Now, nearly a month later, they were about to go on shore leave, and Jim had asked Spock to go out to dinner with him, mainly because they hadn't gotten around to having an actual date yet. He was starting to have second thoughts, though-or at the very least, his stomach was.

Jim took a deep breath. He could totally do this. Right?

* * *

Spock was fairly sure he had what Terrans would term 'butterflies', and he was most certainly _not_ enjoying it.

He was aware that his anxiety was entirely unwarranted, given that he and Jim already knew each other well enough that there should be no surprises tonight, but for some reason the idea of going on a date with Jim made him quite nervous.

There was a knock on his door. _Jim._ Spock turned and opened the door to find his lover standing before him, looking somehow more attractive than usual in a black suit, white shirt, and dark red tie. Spock's heart beat a little faster at the sight of him, and he almost unconsciously took a step toward him.

Jim smiled and reached out to gently caress Spcok's lips with his thumb. Spock turned his head slightly to kiss the finger before leaning forward to capture Jim's lips with his. He had hoped it would soothe him somewhat, but it only served to make his heart beat even faster, his head spinning slightly. Jim pulled away after a moment, taking Spock's hand.

"Come on, let's go," he said, giving Spock an alluring smile, and Spock automatically followed him, his nervousness returning.

Illogical as it was, Spock found himself hoping that their dinner would not last long.

* * *

The restaurant Jim had chosen for their date was, somewhat surprisingly, very nice, and the menu had plenty of vegetarian selections for Spock. Still, the atmosphere did little to help Spock's emotional state, and it took an inordinate amount of control to keep himself from fidgeting.

After their waitress brought them their drinks, Jim turned to Spock. "Are you all right?" he asked. "You seem a little more...Vulcan than usual."

Spock did not answer. He wasn't sure how to explain his issue to Jim in a way that made sense. Finally he spoke. "I admit to being somewhat nervous about our date. I have never done this before." He didn't look at Jim as he spoke.

Jim put a finger under his chin and tilted to his head to look into his eyes, a warm smile on his face. "Don't worry about it," he said. "You know I'll love you no matter what."

Spock felt something inside him soften at that, but he tensed again just as quickly when Jim's hand slipped into the waistband of his pants. "Jim!" he whispered, his voice practically a hiss. His lover smirked, but otherwise did not respond except to put a finger to his lips just as their waitress approached again.

"So, what can I get you guys?" she asked, her voice sounding strangely distant to Spock, whose focus had narrowed almost completely to feel of Jim's hand on his cock. He was only vaguely aware of Jim throwing a glance at his menu before asking the waitress for mushroom ravioli. She then turned to Spock, and he said something that probably ought to have been completely unintelligible but had apparently come out right, as she nodded and walked away after a moment. Spock's head fell forward slightly, his mind reeling as he tried to keep his control in place, but he couldn't help the low moan that escaped when Jim took his hand away. Jim smiled.

"Shh," he whispered and, without further preamble, slid wordlessly under the table and took Spock's cock into his mouth. Spock bit back a gasp at the sensation of Jim's mouth on him and just barely contained a moan as Jim took him in entrely and hummed, the vibration just enough to send him over the edge.

Jim quickly zipped his pants and came out from under the table, wiping his mouth. It took Spock a moment to form a coherent sentence. "Jim, that was entirely inappropriate."

Jim frowned. "I think not, Commander." Spock raised one eyebrow skeptically, silently questioning Jim's words. His companion smirked. "Come on-I had to reassure you somehow, didn't I?"

Spock could only shake his head in disbelief. Jim was certainly unique, that was for sure.


	15. Seconds

One second is all it takes for Spock to reassure Jim with a Vulcan kiss when they're on the Bridge.

Five seconds is just enough for Jim to whisper "I love you" to Spock before he beams down without him.

Fifteen seconds is the longest they've been able to kiss the Vulcan way when Pike calls before he notices.

Thirty seconds isn't really enough time for a make-out session in the turbolift.

Thirty-one seconds is the least amount of time it's taken Jim to admit, during a fight, that Spock is right (under duress, but still).

More or less than forty-five seconds is usually what makes the difference (to Spock, anyway) between an appropriate and an inappropriate kiss on the transporter pad.

Sixty seconds after they get to their quarters at the end of shift is as long as Jim can last before he _has_to tackle Spock.

Ninety seconds is how long it takes them to look completely normal again after they've left the Bridge to...take care of something.

Three hundred seconds of teasing is as much as Spock can take (a fact which Jim constantly uses to his advantage).

Six hundred seconds every day for a week was how long it took for Jim to learn from Uhura how to properly pronounce the word "t'hy'la", but Spock's reaction when he finally got it made it absolutely worth it.


	16. Captain's Log

Captain's personal log, supplemental.

"Jesus fucking Christ. You're not supposed to want to make love to your first officer, I know that, but God help me, I DO, and it's driving me fucking INSANE. It's bad enough that it's always been all I can do not to look over at him every five seconds, but this just fucking _sucks_. I can barely focus on what I'm trying to do because of it, so I guess it's fortunate I'm not working on anything of pressing importance, but _God_, I feel like I'm going crazy here. I _want_him so badly-but he's my _first officer_, for God's sake! I don't think I've ever been so attracted to someone in my entire life, nor felt so helpless to actually _do_ anything about it. I suppose it would be bad manners to just go over and kiss him, but that's all I can think about doing, about wanting to do. And it certainly doesn't help, the number of times I've seen _him_looking at _me_. I feel like kissing him, and then like banging my head against the wall and beating myself up for wanting it. You shouldn't want your first officer, especially when said first officer is a _Vulcan_, for God's sake! But I do, so badly. I feel ridiculously aware of him, of my want of him, and it makes doing anything else all but impossible. I thought I was over this, I thought after spending shore leave without him this fiery..._feeling_ would have gone away, but it's just gotten worse. I want so much to look at him and see him give me that smile that's not really a smile, because it feels so perfect, and the very fact that it does chills me and burns me at the same time. I'm sure he knows at least a little of the truth, because how could he not, but what I would give to show him all of it-and at the same time, I don't want any of this. Part of me-however small that part feels at the moment-wants to just be friends with him, friends and nothing else. It's safer that way. I can't control what I feel, but if I could I wouldn't feel this, no matter how right it seems for him to smile at me and me to smile back, for me to catch him looking at me for absolutely no reason. I'm practically consumed by my desire to just go and stand next to him, let my body brush his slightly, just to gauge his reaction. I wish I could read his mind, see if he wants it as much as I do, if only because if he didn't I might be able to stop thinking about him so much."


	17. Point

**A/N: Also a deleted scene from First Contact...sorry. I couldn't resist. :P Enjoy anyway. ~ana**

As soon as the two of them were alone, Jim tackled Spock, peppering his face and neck with kisses that were absolutely without finesse. Spock really tried to return them, but it was hard to get in an actual kiss given how much Jim was moving.

"Jim-"he started, but Jim's mouth was on his again before he could get another word out, and his mind short-circuited for a minute. Actually, longer than that apparently, as once Jim's mouth had left his he _still_ couldn't remember what he had been about to say. Which was just as well, really, considering that his bondmate had moved upward to take the tip of his ear into his mouth. Spock moaned, suddenly as restless as Jim.

Jim pulled away for a moment. "You know," he whispered, teasingly tracing the point of Spock's ear with his tongue, "four weeks is _way_ too long for a damn _training mission_." He slid his hands under Spock's shirt and ran his fingers lightly over his chest, loving the shudder that resulted. "I mean, seriously," he continued, pretending to ignore Spock's reaction. "They're kids. They have the attention spans of-"

Quite suddenly-and, admittedly, unexpectedly, Spock's mouth came crashing down on his. To Jim's surprise, he pulled away after only a minute. "I quite agree," he replied, somehow only a little breathless. "Four weeks is far too long for a training mission." Jim grinned. He didn't have a chance to say anything else, but he didn't really care.

Case in point.


	18. Drunk

**"Jim?"**

"Yeah?"

"Why is the ceiling...spinning?"

That exceedingly strange question was sufficiently weird to pull the captain of the Enterprise out of his paperwork-induced haze. He whipped around to find his first officer lying on his bed staring at the ceiling, which at least explained his previous comment.

"Spock, what the hell are you doing?"

Spock looked up, and his face, normally so blank, was like an open book. Oh, _shit_.

It took a minute, but the Vulcan's huge chocolate-brown eyes finally focused on Jim. "I was med-I mean, merely trying lococo-trying to find you, Jim. I realize that I appear quite incapacitilitated, but I assure you I am fine."

The captain was found himself torn between laughing and banging his head against the wall, but he settled for simply looking confused. Incapacitilitated? Interesting.

"Spock," he said slowly, "just out of curiosity—how much chocolate have you had tonight?" Spock's eyebrows came together in clear confusion, and Jim's question seemed to take a while to process.

"Not much," he said after a long pause. "Ten little ones, and two pieces of cake. I think," he added.

Jim was quite sure his eyebrows had to have disappeared into his hair by now. "You had _ten_pieces of chocolate? Are you_insane_?"

"Not the last time I checked" was Spock's retort, and Jim bit back a rather hysterical laugh.

"Okay, well, maybe you should check again." Spock frowned at him, and this time he couldn't stop a small chuckle from escaping. "Right, well, let's get you back to your quarters."

"Maybe the ceiling won't be spinning as much there," Spock suggested, staggering slightly as Jim stepped forward to help him. Jim frowned himself.

"Why would you think that?" he asked.

"Because, Jim, you are yourself somewhat insana-crazy. Perhaps that is why the ceiling was spinning in the first place."

Jim helped him around a corner. "Spock, that makes absolutely no sense."

"Does too."

Jim's surprise to hear his first officer talk like a child didn't stop his automatic response. "Does not."

"Yes it does Jim, you simply do not want to admit it."

He feigned ignorance. "Admit what?"

"Admit that you are crazy."

_Crazy about you_, Jim thought, but he didn't say anything. Or at least, he didn't think he did.

He must have stared at Spock for a full minute before it hit minute. "Shit," he said. "Did I say that out loud?"

"N-yes."

It probably would've been hilarious if it had been happening to anyone else, and that was the worst part. "Um," he said, oh-so-coherently. "I have to—"

Jim found himself suddenly and unceremoniously cut off by the press of Spock's lips on his. When Spock pulled away, he stared into the dark brown eyes for a moment, then shrugged away. He opened and closed his mouth uselessly a few times before regaining power of speech.

"Right," he said, practically to himself. "I'm gonna go, I've got to—" He didn't finish the sentence. He couldn't. He straightened himself up again and walked away, forcing himself not to look back.

Well, _damn_.


	19. Sober

The next morning Jim stormed into Sickbay rather loudly, already irritable because he hadn't been able to sleep at all the night before after the little incident with Spock.

"Bones!" he barked, making Nurse Chapel jump as he walked by her. His friend turned, took one look at Jim, and automatically dragged him into his office.

"Okay, what the hell happened?" he demanded once the door had closed behind them. Jim frowned.

"Who said anything happened? I just really need a drink, that's all." Bones gave him a look, and he sighed. "Okay, yeah, something happened. See, last night Spock got drunk on chocolate, and he came to find me, and when I was helping him back to his quarters..." He paused, not really sure whether he should be saying this. "Well, I kind of accidentally without thinking maybe let slip that I have a thing for him and...he kissed me." The whole sentence came out practically in one breath, but it was clear his friend had heard him.

"So why is that a bad thing?" Bones asked. "If he kissed you, that means he's into you too, so you guys can get the hell together. Finally," he added under his breath.

Jim shook his head. "Bones—he was _drunk_. I mean, he might not even remember what happened last night," he said, turning back to face the doctor. There was a short silence.

"Oh, _hell _no!" Bones exclaimed. "No. I am not gonna try to figure whether that green-blooded computer remembers kissing you. You act like a third grader if you want, but for God's sake don't drag _me_ into it."

Jim pouted. "Come on, Bones, please?" he asked. His friend rolled his eyes and turned away, shaking his head, and Jim frowned. "No fair. I can't just go up and ask him if he remembers kissing me. What if he doesn't? Then he'll know and he'll freak out." He sighed. "Please?"

The doctor gave an exasperated sigh. "_No_." Just as he said it, however, Spock's voice came from behind them.

"Dr. McCoy?"

Jim turned so fast his neck cracked. Rubbing it absently, he turned to look at his first officer. "Hey, Spock. What're you doing here?"

He would swear he saw the tips of Spock's ears blush green, though he couldn't be sure. "I require the doctor's assistance. I assure you, however, that I will be on the Bridge on time, Captain."

Jim just stared at him for a minute, unsure of what to say. "Right. Well...see you then. Later, Bones." His friend just shook his head in response and, rolling his eyes, Jim left the office.

* * *

"Captain?"

Jim sighed. "Spock, we're off-duty, call me Jim, would you?" he replied, glaring at the chessboard, and if he sounded a little snippy, well, he hadn't even _slept_, for God's sake. His brain's automatic recall of Spock calling him Jim last night wasn't really helping his mood either. Fortunately, his irritation didn't seem to go noticed by Spock.

"Jim. Last night...I think I recall you saying something somewhat strange, and I was simply wondering," Spock paused out of nowhere, looking like he didn't have a clue what to say. Jim bit back a smile.

"If I actually said it?" Jim finished for him. Spock nodded. He was clearly trying to catch Jim's eye, but Jim couldn't look at him. "Well, yeah. I did." He nervously glanced back to the Vulcan and forced himself not to look away. "Does that...bother you?"

Spock was completely silent for such a long time that Jim was starting to think that he hadn't heard him. Finally he spoke. "No."

Before Jim could respond at all, he added, "In fact, I find it rather excites me." Spock stood and walked over to him, his dark eyes staring down at him with such intensity it was almost scorching me. Jim stood too, so that the two of them were so close they were almost touching, and they just stood like that for a moment, both too nervous to do anything more. Finally Jim found his voice again.

"I don't know if you remember, but...last night you kissed me, and, well-could you maybe do it again? I was sorta freaking out too much to actually enjoy it." Spock's lips twitched upward slightly, and instead of answering, he simply leaned down and kissed Jim lightly.

Jim couldn't help sighing into Spock's mouth a little, and he smiled inwardly as a sudden thought came to him. _I _so_ should've gotten him drunk on chocolate earlier._


	20. Bare My Soul

I should hate everything about you. Hell, I almost did. When I waited for you to come down to face me at my trial, I was fully prepared to hate you, and I almost did because you didn't get it, you refused to. You didn't understand _why_ I didn't believe in no-win scenarios, and you wouldn't let me explain either.

I thought I hated you, then. But later, when I had to emotionally compromise you, I realized that I didn't-I couldn't. Because when I looked into your eyes, I saw everything I was feeling at that moment, and everything I'd been feeling my whole life, and I just found myself thinking, _I can't hate him. I may not _like_ him yet, but I can't hate him._

You have no idea how relieved I was when Scotty beamed you out before you got blown to bits, but that was nothing compared to when you walked onto the Bridge and agreed to be my first officer. I was _beyond_psyched. Because I'd been afraid you would say no, that it would turn out that even though I didn't hate you, you hated _me_. So, even though I didn't really _like_you, it was still a relief.

And somehow, over the next few months, I found myself _still_ not hating you, though you certainly gave me enough reason to. So I figured it was safe to maybe start liking you, if you'd let me, and that was when the chess started. I know you were surprised when I beat you that first time, but I've always thought that, more than that, that was when you started to actually respect me. So when it seemed like we might actually be becoming friends, I wasn't overly surprised. What _did_ surprise was when I realized that I not only liked you, but was beginning to feel attracted to you. Not that I could deny your beauty-but it had never ocurred to me to think of you that way.

Anyway, I thought you were still dating Uhura, so I just kept my mouth shut, but when you melded with me after the incident with Dr. Korby, I couldn't hide it. Part of it was, I guess, that I didn't know how, but I think that, on some unconscious level, I actually _wanted_you to know. Maybe I'm wrong, who knows, but it would at least explain why my attraction was the very first thing for you to see when we melded.

And I couldn't-can't-find words to explain how perfect it felt to have you in my head, and how empty it felt when you left. That was the only time I've ever thought that something was almost too much for me, that I feared I would be crushed by the intensity of my own feelings.

So. Now I've bared my soul to you, told you everything. I think you already know what I want-surely you were in my head long enough to figure out that much-but the question is, will you admit that you want the same thing and give in? Or will you deny it and pretend that all of this never happened?

Your choice.


	21. My Life Would Suck Without You

I have been staring at the ceiling for 33.6 minutes.

I sigh and roll over, then immediately return to my original position so as not to fall off the bed. I have become so accustomed to sleeping with Jim that I had forgetten that the bed in my quarters was a single one. In fact, I had nearly forgotten that there _was_ a bed in my quarters. Certainly it was rare that I had occasion to use it.

Trying to sleep is useless, so I allow my thoughts to wander to Jim once again. I cannot understand why my request that he not go planetside tomorrow appears to have offended him. It would be perfectly logical for him to stay on the ship, for the Federation's relationship with the Halkans is quite fragile, and the situation could easily become hostile. It would make far more sense for _me_ to go, as my diplomatic skills are far better, but he is insisting that I stay behind. It is infuriating.

Nonetheless, I cannot help missing him.

I sigh again. It is going to be a very long night.

* * *

It is morning, and my attempts at meditation are going quite badly. It comes as something of a relief when my door chimes—at least until I open it and find Jim on the other side. I feel something inside me clench, but I keep my face carefully neutral.

"May I help you, Captain?" I ask politely.

Jim frowns. "Spock." I raise one eyebrow, and he rolls his eyes, sighing. "Let me in, would you? I want to talk to you."

I obligingly move so he can step inside. Once the door has slid shut, he turns back to me. "I'm sorry," he says. I raise my eyebrow again, but he continues before I can say anything. "Last night, when I said I wished we'd never bonded..." He hesitates, looking at his feet, and for a moment I am reminded of a child. Finally he looks up at me again. "I didn't mean it, okay? I love you." His face hardens slightly. "But I _am_ going down there today."

My response leaves my lips without my conscious consent. "No."

Jim sighs loudly. "Spock, come on. You _know_ if this situation were reversed you wouldn't agree to stay behind. And there's no way I'm letting you go alone this time, either," he adds quickly.

The comment (which is true) gives me an idea. "If I did agree to stay behind," I say, choosing my words carefully, "would you?"

He is silent for a long moment. When he does speak again, I can see he is choosing his words as carefully as I did. "Only," he says, his voice low and alluring, "if we were to take ourselves off-duty for the day."

It only takes a second for me to interpret his meaning. My eyes widen slightly, and I can feel a green flush creeping up neck. Jim, of course, notices, a sly, seductive smile appearing on his face. He comes closer to me, subtly slipping his arms around my waist. "Do we have a deal, Mr. Spock?"

I pull him even closer to me, kissing him deeply. "Whatever you wish, Captain."

It is surprisingly easy to distract Jim from his smugness at his victory.


End file.
